Looking

Looking for office space or venue: requirements include enough space to set up a thousand typewriters and enough room for a thousand monkeys to work comfortably. Willing to pay cash.

Fish

I wish I had a fish, not in a bowl or on my plate, but simply a full sized fish in my hands. But then what? Slap you of course!

Piano

I learned to play the piano last week it wasn't that hard, in fact it was very fun. Now I only need to learn how to play songs on it.

Butter Warehouse

Come by Ben's Butter Warehouse for all your buttery needs! We're nothing but butter, butter, butter all the time! We accept cash, check, credit and even your first born children!

Pasta for Sale

For Sale: 287 pounds of various pasta noodles. Inquires into the nature of the noodles will be met with extreme prejudice and a slap to the face. Cash or Check.

Wanted

Wanted: Three blonde women and a bodybuilder. Bring vegetable peelers and weed killer, Kevlar optional. $50 upfront payment each with $100 payment when the job is finished, 38% fatality rate.

Fruit of Labor

The fruit of my labor was not as sweet as I had first envisioned, I always hoped I would get a cherry but alas all I have is a banana.