As I lay on the ground, a magic wand in hand, blood in my mouth as a lizard man tried to cut me in half, I yelled out loud, “Why me? Am I going to die here? What did I do to deserve this?” Was it true that your life flashed before your eyes when you were about to die? Yes, apparently (Which would make a convenient segue into a flashback sequence).
Let’s see, it all started when I was born…Wait, too far back! It all began when Jimmy stole my crayons in kindergarten…No, that has nothing to do with it. When I got drunk and thrown out of my college dorm…Hey, how’d this get in here? First off, I chose to drop out of college and…Forget it…It actually started earlier today.
Let me set the scene. There I was, your average 22-year old girl alone in my dark apartment, “working” on my computer (Hey, rare figures don’t sell themselves). Honestly, I was a mess, with long tangled hair and garbed in sweat pants and a shirt that were two days overdue for the wash. Thankfully, my humble one-room apartment, with a small oak table and two chairs, was my fortress. My own little space away from the scary outside world. That’s how it was anyway.
All that changed in the afternoon, with an unexpected knock at my door. The landlady wasn’t due for her weekly shakedown for a couple of days, so I was a little freaked out. Most of my neighbors didn’t even know I existed, so it was doubtful one of them came to say hello. I planned to ignore the intrusion and hoped they would leave. Then came the voice.
“Ms. Inaba, I know you’re in there, open the door,” a stern voice commanded. Rather than wait for them to bust open my door, I conceded. As I opened the door, I saw light for the first time since last Thursday.
My guest was a slim brunette, dressed in a suit and tie, who carried a briefcase. “Atlanta Inaba, aka. Ina?” The impassive woman asked.
“Yes.” After I confirmed my identity, the woman pushed past me into my apartment. She kicked aside all the trash and knick-knacks that littered the floor before she sat down at my coffee table and motioned me to sit with her.
“So, Ms. Inaba,” she began. “You must be wondering why I have barged into your abode with little warning.” (No, duh). She didn’t even wait for a response before she continued. “My name is Mary Fleur, and I work with a higher power on ‘unique’ cases. I’m here because you are one of said cases.”
“If this is about the DDoS attack on all those websites last week, I had nothing to…”
“This has nothing to do with your personal history, Ms. Inaba,” she brushed my words aside. “It has to do with your family history.”
“What has my father’s dark past come back to haunt me?” I joked.
“No, your mother’s,” the brunette responded as she pulled out some papers from her briefcase. “Atlanta Inaba, gender: female, age: 22, born: April 7th, 2009, height: 5 feet, 4 inches. Suffers from a minor skin issue that has been attributed to albinism. Distinguishing features include long, unkempt, pale blonde hair and poor posture. Education: two years of college, dropped out. Current occupation: selling toys on the secondary market. No next of kin, both parents passed away in 2028, right before you dropped out of college.”
“What was that?” I asked Mary, who apparently had my entire life on a piece of paper.
“That was your file,” she answered. “The reason I am here is to inform you of your royal origin. You are the fifth cousin, twice removed, to the previous heir of the Celene family,” she said with a straight face. “You are the last living person in the world, with Celene blood flowing through your veins.”
“What?”
“In short, you are technically a princess.”
“Okay, where’s the hidden camera?” I commented in disbelief.
“What are you implying?” Mary asked stoically.
“That you’re either making fun of me,” I snapped, “or that you’re insane! I’ve never heard of this Celene family. What are they even the royal family of?”
“Very well,” she sighed. “I can understand your skepticism. Please, allow me to provide some clarity,” she said as she placed the briefcase on the table and opened it.
Within the briefcase were five items neatly arranged. A silver wand with a crescent-shaped top. A pair of palm-sized medals, one gold with a crescent carved into it, the other silver and blank. An oversized gold ring encrusted with the mother of all pearls, and finally, what I would later learn, was a belt. The belt had two slots in the front and was colored pink and silver with gold trim. All the pieces practically glowed in their golds, pinks, and silvers, dear lord, were they gaudy. So naturally, I picked up the ring first.
“Wow, this is pretty heavy for costume jewelry,” I exclaimed. It certainly had a heft to it, more than a ring should. I certainly wouldn’t envy anyone who wore this for a long formal occasion.
“That’s because it’s a solid gold ring. Set with a priceless pink pearl,” Mary explained. “It’s the family heirloom ring, charged with magical power.”
“Okay,” I put the ring down gently and picked up the wand next. It was also fairly heavy for its size. Upon further inspection, I realized the crescent-shaped head was also made of solid gold. There was a peculiar coin-shaped slot on one side of the head, just like the belt. (Apparently, magic wands were coin-operated, who knew?)
“Careful,” Mary replied sternly. “That is a real magic wand; do not point it around carelessly.” Of course, I had to ignore her warning and pointed it directly at my face like an idiot.
“Oh, a button,” was the last thing I said before I made my first mistake of the day. The button activated the wand, releasing a burst of magic sparkles into my face. Although blindsided by the sparkles, I realized something was terribly wrong immediately and screamed in terror. A pair of big floppy bunny ears protrude from the top of my head. My own ears were still there, which made this all the stranger.
“I warned you, Ms. Inaba,” my stone-faced visitor scolded. “Do not worry; that should wear off in a couple of days.” Thoroughly convinced (and horrified), I was ready to ask some serious questions.
“Why does a royal family need a magic wand?” Was my first question, and secondly, “Why me?”
“It is very simple,” Mary straightened her tie. “The Celene family is not only royalty but also a powerful family of mages. As for your second question,” she continued, “you are a distant relative to the previous heir, who died a year ago, and we just recently tracked you down.”
“But how? I am literally the least princess-like person on Earth.”
Mary showed the tiniest tinge of annoyance, “As I said, you are literally the last person with Celene blood. Have you ever seen a line of succession? You know the person at the bottom? That’s you.”
“Don’t I feel special,” I experienced a sensation that could be best described as hollow excitement. “So, what happened to the rest of the successors?”
“I cannot answer that,” Mary replied. “What occurred was foolish and sad, and I would rather pretend it never happened. All I can say is that the last true successor passed away at the turn of the millennium and since then…” She trailed off (sounds likes my predecessors weren’t exactly winners either).
“So, what does a family of royal magic users do exactly,” I changed the subject.
“Simply put,” she explained, “you fight and destroy those who would disrupt the natural order.”
“Like a superhero?” I joked.
“Yes, exactly like a superhero,” Mary replied in her deadpan voice. I wondered if she had an emotive bone in her body. Maybe that twitch earlier was a complete fluke.
“How does that work? Do I patrol town sparkling purse-snatchers into submission?” I waved the wand around before I quickly realized how stupid that was and put it down gently, back inside the briefcase.
“Not exactly,” the brunette stood up and motioned me towards the front door. “Let me show you.”
“You mean out there?” I panicked. “In the light, with people? I can’t; you know I’m albino. Why do you think I stay in the dark?”
“I read your file; I know your condition is not that severe. Besides, that is what these sunglasses are for.” I followed her out into the light with incredible frustration, but at least the sunglasses actually helped. So, there we were, outside my apartment in the afternoon sunlight. We looked down at the road below from the third floor.
“Take a good look,” Mary began, “everything seem to be normal?” The corner store had some brisk business, my landlady yelled on the phone in her office, and one of my neighbors screamed at his cat.
“Yep, normal,” I said. (I mean, it seemed normal, but to be honest, I do not get out much).
“Now tap the button next to the lens and look again,” Mary commanded.
I clicked a little button cleverly hidden as a decal next to the lens. It was subtle at first, but I started to notice little things all around the neighborhood. They were small, gangly freaks of nature. Basically, they looked like little wrinkly goblins.
“Those creatures are called Greedlings, small, invisible creatures that feed upon the sin of greed,” Mary explained. “They prefer to congregate around places of business and anywhere money is involved. Sometimes they can even sustain themselves on a single greedy person.”
Now that she mentioned it, I saw quite a few of those Greedlings in front of the arcade, the corner store, and a really fat one in front of my landlady’s office. “Huh, I guess my landlady is a bigger jerk than I thought,” I laughed.
“I was not referring to her,” Mary explained as she pointed to my apartment door, where another Greedling skulked. When it realized that I could actually see it, the creature quickly scampered away. Good riddance, I guess.
“Do not get too excited. It will likely be back within the week,” Mary broke the bad news. “You see, when a single Greedling feeds enough, they will grow, take on a more physical form, and cause havoc. Normally, this is incredibly rare, but recently their population has been spiking. Something which happened every few months now occurs every week at a minimum. Unfortunately, this had coincided with the little ‘accident’ that killed off most of the people who would normally deal with this.” She turned to me, “we need someone to stop these creatures, now! You are the only person who can do this. What do you say?”
“Do I actually have a choice?”
“Only the illusion of one,” Mary admitted. Well, at least she was honest.
“Okay, how do I actually stop these, Greedlings?” I asked genuinely.
“It’s simple,” she explained, “when one manifests, you use the four artifacts to destroy it before they can cause too much harm.”
“Well, how do I use them?”
“I think it would be best if I gave you a live demonstration,” Mary answered, then she looked at her watch. “Which should be happening right about now. Follow me.”
She led me behind my apartment building towards the old abandoned warehouse district. Why do I live near an abandoned warehouse district? Why does my city even have one of those? The rent is cheap, and that’s a story for another time.
After a long run, we arrived at a random warehouse with not a soul in sight. I prepared to call Mary out on her bullshit, then, as if on cue, a big, scaly, lizard-man thing emerged from the alleyway.
“How did you know it was here?” I asked the obvious.
“Simple, my watch can track them, and I have a system in place to predict when the next Greedling will manifest.” (How convenient, I didn’t know they made a brand of watches the tracked invisible goblins). At this point, lizard-man noticed us and started his approach with his claws brandished.
“Now what?” I asked, in full panic mode.
“I told you, use the artifacts to destroy it,” Mary seemed almost annoyed. “Here, let me show you.” She put down the briefcase, pulled out the belt, and put it on my waist. Miraculously, it wrapped itself around my waist (the wonders of magic). Then she put the two medals in the slots on the front of the belt and handed me the ring. “Put this on and wave it in front of the belt,” she explained.
“Okay,” I did what she said and waved the ring over the belt. (Remember that part about being dressed like a maniac?) The belt began to sparkle, produced a light show, and even sang.
“LUNA! RABBIT! LU-LA LA, LU-LA LA LA LAAA!” The belt announced as the image of the two medals overlayed atop me. Then presto, I was dressed like a maniac, in full-body silver armor, with pink accents and golden trim. I even had a weird motorcycle helmet with holes for the rabbit ears. My whole body was covered head to toe, so you’d never be able to tell it was me. Well, if I was supposed to be a superhero, at least I looked the part.
“Excellent,” Mary handed me the wand, “now perform your duty.”
“Uh, I think I’m woefully underprepared for-” I turned back at her to complain, but she was gone. I was now alone with the angry lizard-man, who snarled at me.
“I can do this,” I lied to myself and charged the monster, which went about as well as you would expect (easily my second stupidest decision today). He punted me into a nearby warehouse, then chased after with his several-inch-long claws, ready to gut me like a fish. I desperately tried to get the wand to shoot more than sparkles, to no avail.
“Destroy! Mine! Mine!” The lizard-man roared in some strange language, or it could’ve just been incoherent screeches. I couldn’t really tell. Besides, I had bigger problems, like the fact he now breathed fire and tried to roast me like a potato.
“Why me?” I complained. As hope swiftly faded, I noticed a small pearl button on the wand (the one I pressed before), with a larger ruby button just above it. “Finally, I can set this baby from stun to kill. Take this, Super Magical Attack!” (Hey, it’s hard to name attacks on short notice). The wand finally projected something other than sparkles, a white orb of energy that collided with the lizard-man and stunned it a little. “Did I get him?”
“Anger! Fury! Pain!” Nope, that only made him angry, enough to punt me across the room again and ignite the whole building with his fire breath.
That brings us to the present. Me on the ground, dressed like a maniac, with a magic wand, blood in my mouth. Now trapped in a building engulfed in flame with a lizard-man ready to cut me in half.
So yeah, if I didn’t get any bright ideas soon, I would die. Well, if the wand wouldn’t help, I’d have to rely on my own strength. I pulled myself to my feet, sprinted at the lizard-man, and jumped into the air (which was surprisingly easy, I’d never felt so light before). “Take this, Jump Kick!” I shouted right before he swatted me to the side, which left a nice set of claw marks on the front of the armor. Oh, look, more blood, and that sensation in my stomach, could that be a broken rib? Honestly, I probably shouldn’t even be able to move anymore, but this armor or magic must make me stronger and tougher. Although that can only go so far for an out-of-shape slob like me.
The lizard-man must have been frustrated with my continued survival. He ran at me again, even angrier than before. I blasted him with the wand again, which gave me a chance to dodge. As I contemplated my inevitable death, I realized something else. If the ring activated the belt, could it also activate the wand? “No harm in trying (in fact, there was more harm in not trying!),” I coughed out. I waved the ring all around the wand while lizard-man shook off the stun and took another swing at me. Miraculously, the head of the wand lit up. Now it should work. After all, power makes you glow, right?
“Alright, now, Super Magical Attack: Take 2!” I clicked the ruby button and waved the wand in the monster’s direction. It released a crescent shape magic attack and literally cut right through him.
“Pain! Pain! Agony!” The lizard-man cried. If he hadn’t tried to kill me, I’d probably feel sorry for him.
“Ha! How do you like that?” I said before he lunged at me again and stabbed his claw right into my chest. I could feel it dig right through the armor and pierce my stomach just barely. Then everything just slowed down as I felt blood trickle out of the fresh wound. I had never felt so aware of my own mortality before.
In the haze of adrenaline that followed, I noticed a golden button at the bottom of the wand. I pressed it on the hope it’d shoot out a giant laser or something that’d blow off his head. Instead, the wand folded out into a quarterstaff (it didn’t seem big enough for that, but that’s magic for you). But now, I had an actual weapon and swung the staff at his head and knocked him off me before he could hit something vital. His response was to punt me across the room again (Have you noticed a theme yet?).
“Ms. Inaba,” Mary appeared out of nowhere on a railing above me, “the medal is the key!”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Thankfully, the monster was also taken aback by her presence. He probably expected her to jump in and help me. Something told me that wouldn’t happen, but I did gain precious seconds to think.
So, what can this medal do? Wait, the slot on the wand! I yanked the medal out of the belt and inserted it into the wand then waved the ring over it. “Oh, God!” Unlike last time, when there was just a glow, the wand now vibrated like it would explode. It was so bright it almost blinded me. “This might be my last chance! Super Magical Attack: Take 3!” I did a little pose and twirl, and the wand fired a barrage of those crescent attacks from earlier. Except this time, they exploded on impact. The lizard-man was pelted until a massive crescent knocked him off his feet and left him half the man he used to be. Thankfully, he did not get back up.
“Victory!” I cheered for my fabulous self. I even twirled around a struck a pose (Normally, these kinds of monsters explode when you beat them, but I guess that’s just on T.V.)
Then he exploded in a ball of fire and knocked me off my feet. I guess it was on a delay.
“Well done Ms. Inaba, you are not completely hopeless after all,” Mary appeared beside me.
“I had it totally under control,” I lied through my teeth as a touch of delirium set in. I guess the explosion rattled my brain because I did not feel right in the head.
“No, you did not. You nearly died,” Mary pointed out that obvious.
“Whatever,” I brushed her off as I struggled to my feet. “Wait, I got it! The artifacts and suit are all moon-themed, so from now on, I should be known as Luna! Defender of Justice!” I cemented my new totally awesome superhero identity.
“Very well,” Mary responded in her usual monotone. “I’ll be sure to note that in your file.”
As I basked in the glow of victory, I noticed something. I was in severe pain. I guess the adrenaline wore off because my whole body hurt like and hell, and why is everything dark?
~--~
Sometime later, Mary and I were back at my apartment. I was bandaged up on the floor, where I tried and failed to hold back tears. Mary meanwhile outlined my new responsibilities as the local Greedling wrangler. Not that I could pay her any attention through all the agony. Between the half-dozen broken bones, the hole in my belly, and what I think was a concussion, I didn’t have the presence of mind.
“…and that should be all, any questions?” Mary finally finished her little speech. My only response was a pathetic sob. “In the likely case you did not hear a word I said, everything you need to know is in the file.” (At least she came prepared). “That should be all for now,” she got up from the table, “I will send someone to check up on you every few days. They will make sure you are alive and doing your job.” (Oh joy, it sounds like she didn’t trust me to do my new job. I don’t blame her, though. I wouldn’t trust me either.)
“Hopefully, I will be able to make arrangements for a permanent bodyguard soon. You are a princess...technically. We cannot have anything bad happen to you,” she said with more contempt than I thought was possible to convey in a monotone. After that, she turned and left without another word.
As I lay on my floor, wrapped in bandages, trapped under the weight of my new responsibilities, I wondered aloud, “Why me?”
~~~~
Wow, I've been sitting on this one for a long time. I originally wrote this for a college writing class years ago and have been meaning to edit it for this blog since 2018-2019. Think of this as a pilot of sort for a series.
Honestly, I didn't even change it much from its original form, I only cut and adjusted some dialogue and descriptions. The overall story and beats haven't changed, I've just tweaked it here and there.
Sadly, there is some stuff from the first draft (circa six years ago) I wanted to consider adding back into the story, but I've since lost the original version. It's probably on an old computer and I don't feel like pulling one out just to find a single word document. It wasn't much though, mainly the original version of the intro, which I tried to recreate as best I could. I'm still happy with the end product, though.
(Also, I hope the monster's speech comes out correctly, I originally had it in the Symbol font, but that's not supported on this website. Thus, blacked out dialogue. If you highlight it, you can see what he says...not that's it's anything special...)
Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy
