~~~~
Are you going to carry all that
weight? Let that anchor inside you drag you down to the floor? That feeling is
all-consuming, that fear of every little thing, of every little sign. That
sickness, that hunger, that sweat, that dizzy feeling. Is it all in your mind,
or is it more real than you can imagine? How would you know? As you remain
trapped in your own head, in your own space with nowhere else to go, what is
and isn’t reality starts to lose distinction. Even when you know it's all in
your head, it can be hard to remember in the heat of your latest panic.
You fear for yourself, every problem
compounds. One issue leads to another, and you can’t stand it no more. Your
desires lose their gleam, your passions lose their charm. Those brief moments
of real progression feel ever so sweet, as though your problems don’t exist.
Then immediately after, you come crashing back down.
It’s all a balancing act, a
struggle, a pain so easily internalized. To reach closure, to find the answer,
easy or not, is what you want most of all. Alas, such things are not so easily
spelled out. Forget the easy answers, forget the problems and issues. Remember
that sometimes it is all just in your head. You know it, you’ve seen the
evidence. But it’s so hard to remind yourself of that, to keep that in mind.
It’s not that you need to think
positive, it’s not even that positive thoughts, in general, are the key. All
you need is a typical ordinary day. One without any unusual or persistent problems,
or at least problems you can simply solve and move on from. It doesn’t mean a
lazy day, or a day off, sometimes it’s a by the numbers, routine day you want.
And everyone deserves that. If you're going to internalize anything,
internalize that.
Sometimes all you need is a little
routine, a daily grind, a goal, or a process for the future. For some that
might right be around the corner, for others, it might feel so far away. Reach
for it, seize your life. Not in the follow your dreams way, but in the simple
just live a normal life for a while way.
Yet, there’s still that pain, that
anchor tied to your center. It can be a heavy piece a crap, but nothing feels
greater than when you can finally muster the strength to lift it up and carry
it forward with you. To what? Well that’s for you to decide, isn’t it?
~~~~
This is a "story" for my own sake more than anyone else. We live in uncertain times, I thought I didn't really care, that it wouldn't effect me, but it did. What I learned afterwords was that writing was my release, my tool to communicate my thoughts and feelings to the world around me. I never fully realized that was the appeal of writing until I wrote this story and now I feel just a little bit wiser for it. So, please continue to enjoy more stories from the House of 30Leaves, I'll always have more tales to tell and adventures to write, so look forward to it.Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy
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