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“Welcome back to the First Panel! Where we interview all your favorite personalities from around the world,” the blonde man on the stage announced to a clapping crowd. “I’m your host, Steven Stephen, and we’ve got an extra special guest tonight.” The camera panned to the far side of the stage. “From the shallows of the east coast, it’s the part-time Supervillain we all know and...ahem...fear, Crab Man!”
Emerging from backstage came a man dressed in a frayed lab coat and glasses—his frazzled graying hair in line with the stereotypical mad scientist. A giant, mechanical crab claw replaced his right arm, which he displayed for all the crowd to see. “Thank you, thank you,” he waved to the crowd as he approached the host. “It’s great to be here, Steve. Can I call you Steve?”
“No problem,” Steve shook hands with Crab Man before sitting down at a large wooden desk. “So, Crab Man, how goes the life of a part-time supervillain?”
“Ah, it’s the usual,” the villain sat down in a leather chair. “Petty crimes, heroes stopping you at every turn, experiments gone wrong, those sorts of things.”
“I see,” Steve nodded. “I hear you just got released on bail after your latest encounter with Amphibious Man. Can you tell us the full story behind that?”
“I’m always ready to monologue about my greatest nemesis,” Crab man declared. “It all began a few short weeks ago; I was raiding those large fishing vessels to steal their catches. I had finally perfected my telepathic crab control helmet, and was the theft was going to be the first field test. Of course, Amphibious Man showed up immediately. Turns out he was friends with the ship’s captain and had swum up to the ship that morning to say hi. My army of crabs should have swarmed and destroyed him in an instant. Sadly, crabs aren’t the fastest creatures. Amphibious Man merely walked up to me and smashed my helmet before the crabs could attack.”
“Sounds like a lot of bad luck,” Steve commented.
“Oh, you have no idea,” Crab Man exclaimed. “The worst part was sitting on deck tied to the mast until the coast guard showed up. It took them hours to find us. Mainly because they had to wade through a mile or so of crabs that scattered after my telepathic control helmet broke.”
“Really?” Steve’s interest was piqued. “If you don’t mind me asking, was there any ecological impact from that influx of crabs?”
“Well, I haven’t been back to see for myself,” Crab Man shrugged, “but my guess is yes. I’m planning on avoiding the beaches near there for a while.”
“Aren’t you concerned you’ll be held responsible for any potential damages from the ecological impact?” Steve inquired.
“Not if my lawyer has anything to say about it,” Crab Man replied.
“Okay, let’s change the subject,” Steve shifted gears. “What’s your opinion on the country’s economy?”
“Invest more in the marine sciences and fishing,” Crab Man answered.
“Alright,” Steve nodded, “tell us, why do you call yourself a part-time supervillain?”
“Because that’s exactly what I am,” Crab Man explained. “I really only picked up the supervillain bit as a side job at first, mainly to fund my research.”
“Oh, and what kind of research was that?” Steve asked.
“The reproductive habits of starfish,” Crab Man replied.
“That’s not what I expected,” Steve was surprised.
“I don’t blame you,” Crab Man sighed. “The crab theme was sort of incidental, but it’s my thing now, and I’ll wear it proudly.”
“Sounds good,” Steve smiled. “We’ve got a little more time. Anything you’d like to say to the audience?”
“Stay in school and always eat breakfast,” Crab Man turned the audience.
“You heard it heard first folks,” Steve laughed. “Stay tuned. After the break, we’ll have another special guest, Zarn, Emperor of Darkness. And now a word from our sponsors.” The camera panned away from the stage. Crab Man and Steve continued to chat, but their audio was replaced by the talk show’s main theme. This continued for a few moments before it cut to commercial.
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I don't have any sappy pseudo-philosophy for this one, I just wrote this out on a whim. Honestly, I want to revisit these concepts and try something else with them. I'll keep Crab Man, but maybe next time it won't be a talk show, I need to think about this...
Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy
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