>>>~~~~<<<
Young Mia Monroe was a
fresh-out-of-college office lady looking to make a name for herself in the
city. She had her first good job, a modest apartment, and a bright future ahead
of her. Then things got weird.
It was a day like any other. She
returned home after a long day at work, ready to unwind and recharge over the
weekend. The fact it was Friday the 13th and a full moon had never occurred to
her. At least until the light of the moon shined through her window and passed
through a gap in her furniture that kind of looked like a pentagram if you
tilted your head and squinted.
The sudden burst of fire and
brimstone convinced Mia that she had either finally overworked herself to
hallucination or that she had left the curling iron on. Thankfully, the fire and
the flame went as quickly as they came. Unfortunately, what was left behind was
a demon, a female demon, to be exact. Mia didn’t know more than that as she was
too busy freaking out over the half-naked redhead lady with horns, bat wings,
and a barbed tail that had spawned in her apartment.
“Who the hell are you?” Mia shouted.
“I am the great demon ADKOEKFAO,” the woman exclaimed, “but
please, call me Lucy.” The demon introduced herself before stretching and
hopping onto the couch. “I have been summoned forth by your magic circle or
something that looked close enough.”
“Wait, what are you doing? What do
you want?” Mia asked.
“Not much, really. This couch is
comfy,” Lucy snuggled into place. “As a summoned demon, I bond myself to the
location I was called forth by default. So, your apartment and your couch
specifically.”
“What? You can’t just start binding
yourself to my apartment,” Mia yelled.
“Consider me a poltergeist then. If
you don’t like it, leave,” Lucy yawned. “You got any snacks?”
“I’m not leaving my own apartment,
and my lease doesn’t cover roommates,” Mia blurted. “No, wait, that’s beside
the point. You can’t just come in here and…hey, stay out of there.”
“Salt & Vinegar flavor, do
people eat this?” Lucy had wandered over to Mia’s kitchen and began rooting
through the pantry. “Ah well, beggars can’t be choosers.” The demon started
eating a large bag of chips.
“That’s it. Get out of my
apartment!” Mia pulled out a small can of mace and sprayed the demon.
“What’s that supposed to do?” Lucy was
unfazed by the spray and began licking up what was stuck to her face. “Hey,
this doesn’t taste half bad.”
“Aaaaaahhhh,” Mia was nearly brought
to tears.
~\ /~
The next day, Mia confided in her
friends at lunch about her newly acquired housemate. It was meant to be a
pleasant Saturday brunch, but Mia was in a less-than-pleasant mood after having
dealt with an obnoxious demon for the past 12-plus hours.
“There’s a demon freeloading in my
apartment,” Mia moaned.
“That sucks,” Mia’s oldest friend,
Beth, offered her condolences.
“These things happen. Have you
considered a priest?” Her old college roommate, Liz, gave the most stellar
advice.
“Did you hear me? A demon willed
itself into my apartment and refused to go away,” Mia slammed the table. “I
want to be shocked you believe me, but why are you two so casual about it?”
“All sorts of weird things go on in
this city,” Beth explained.
“Yeah, my uncle had a demon get into
his apartment, too,” Liz recalled, “he tried to get rid of her for years.
That’s why he called the priest. The wedding was beautiful.”
“Oh, that’s nice…What?” Mia was
utterly taken aback. Rather than dwelling on that thought, she moved on with
haste. “Okay, let’s say I don’t want to marry the demon. What do I do then?”
“Have you tried buying holy water
online and putting it in a spray bottle?” Liz suggested.
“That’s ridiculous,” Mia dismissed
the idea.
~\ /~
“I’m ridiculous,” Mia mumbled to
herself the next day. Next-day delivery was a little pricey, but she needed
that holy water. She poured the blessed liquid into her spray bottle and
prepared for battle. Meanwhile, Lucy stuck to her word and had occupied the
apartment’s couch almost 24/7. The demon did little else but eat, sleep and
watch reality TV all day.
‘I can’t believe I’m doing this,’
Mia held onto her holy spray bottle for dear life. She snuck up behind Lucy,
which wasn’t hard as the demon was zoning out while her show had cut to
commercial. ‘Please work,’ Mia jumped out from behind the couch and sprayed the
demon in the face.
“Gah, what was that for?” Lucy
jumped but was otherwise unharmed.
“But…the holy water, it didn’t
work?” Mia was aghast.
“It has to be blessed by a priest,
you idiot,” Lucy wiped the water off her face. “And the stronger the demon, the
greater the priest needed. Who’d you get that from, an altar boy?”
“I knew I shouldn’t have bought this
online,” Mia chucked the bottle at the ground.
~\ /~
Mia found herself stuck with the
demon for the time being, so she decided to get to the bottom of her new
roommate’s deal. The big question was, why?
“Why are you here?” Mia asked.
“Cause I got summoned,” Lucy leaned
into the couch, thoroughly bored by the TV.
“No, I mean, why are you still
here,” Mia clarified, “don’t you have a home in hell or something?”
“Not really, not anymore,” Lucy
admitted. “I got kicked out, which is why I jumped on the first path out.”
“You got kicked out of hell? How?”
Mia was now interested.
“They said I was too lazy; can you
believe it?” Lucy huffed.
“Yes,” Mia crossed her arms.
“Whatever,” Lucy rolled her eyes,
“so the domain of sloth wasn’t taking any new members cause they were all too
lazy to process the paperwork.”
“So, now you’re here because
everyone, including you, is lazy?” Mia pointed out.
“Pretty much, yeah,” Lucy yawned.
“And there’s nowhere to send you
back to because you got kicked out of hell?” Mia asked.
“Yep, even if you exorcised me or
whatever. I’d probably bounce right back,” Lucy confirmed. “Maybe back here, or
maybe I’d be someone else’s problem. I don’t know.”
“Right,” Mia let out a deep breath.
“My landlord wants to evict me now because of an ‘undeclared roommate,’ just so
you know.”
“Sounds like a you problem,” Lucy
couldn’t care less.
“I told him he could evict you
because you were basically a squatter,” Mia explained.
“I’d like to see him try,” Lucy
stuck her tongue out.
“You’re bound to the couch, right?”
Mia inquired.
“Yeah, why?” Lucy was confused.
“Wait, no, you can’t get rid of me that easy. Even if you throw out the couch,
I’m still bound to the apartment. I’ll be back! Eventually…”
“I’ll cut you a deal,” Mia offered.
“Oh, a deal with a demon. You know
that’s a bad idea?” Lucy chuckled.
“No, you’re making a deal with a
human,” Mia huffed. “I promise not to throw out the couch if you agree to get
some paperwork done and become my official roommate and help around the
apartment.”
“Me? Help, as if,” Lucy snickered.
“Then, no more chips and cable,” Mia
glared. “I’ll stop buying snacks or paying the bills for entertainment.”
“Wha?” Lucy paled.
“You admitted it. You’ve got nothing
but my couch,” Mia declared, “but I’ve got money and the credit cards.”
“I can just steal that stuff from
you,” Lucy countered.
“Then you’d have to go out to the
store yourself. Can you even leave the apartment?” Mia argued. “Do you even
know how to order things online?”
“You think you can bully me, a great
and powerful demon?” Lucy fumed, her eyes turning into balls of flame.
“If you were so great and powerful,
how were you kicked out of hell?” Mia pointed out.
“AAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH!” Lucy put on
a grand display of fury, but it quickly petered out. “That kills my throat,”
the demon muttered. “Fine, I’ll do whatever. Just let me watch TV.”
“It’s a start. I’ll get the
paperwork tomorrow,” Mia beamed with pride, “we have a deal.” As soon as she
said that, a paper contract appeared in front of them out of thin air, signed
with both their names. It glowed blood red before disappearing in a burst of
flame.
“Whoops,” Lucy, “we just created a
contract.”
“What contract?” Mia freaked as the
contract reappeared in her hands. “What’s this say? Party A, The Great Demon
Lucy, agrees to do ‘whatever’ for Party B, Mia Monroe, in exchange for being
able to watch TV. The contract is sealed by both their verbal agreements. PS Thank
you, Mia, for taking this lazy POS off our hands. She is now yours to command
to do, well, whatever.”
“I’m what now?” Lucy went white as a
sheet.
“What have I gotten myself into?”
Mia was nearly driven to tears. Thus began the tale of Mia and her new
familiar/roommate Lucy. The duo’s story would be one of trial, headaches,
overdo cable bills, and shenanigans. Long story short, this is the start of
Mia’s eventual rise to become the Dark Empress of Hell, but that’s a tale for
another time.
>>>~~~~<<<
An unexpected roommate is a difficult prospect to manage, especially if you're used to living alone. That's why it is best to lay out ground rules and responsibilities first, so no problems arise later.
Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy.
