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“I don’t remember,” she said to herself. “Nothing, not my name, not my life, not who I was or where I came from.” The infinite expanse of foggy concrete tunnels stretched on in every direction. The only guidance was a network of identical train tracks. It was like being lost in empty subway tunnels, but there would be no way out.
“When did this start? Did I ever have a life before this?” She asked herself. It was often seen as a sign of insanity to talk to one’s self, but she was desperate for any amount of sound. She was afraid that if she didn’t, she’d forget the sound of her own voice. “I must of. I had to be born, but what if I was born here?”
That thought was terrifying more than any other. It was one thing if she had forgotten if this place had shredded her sanity and stolen her memories. But if there were never any memories in the first place, if this was her home, her birthplace, then she truly had nothing. There would be no real home to escape to, no life to return to, and no people waiting for her.
“I must have someone. I know I do…right?” She tried to convince herself, but as she gazed down another fog-filled tunnel, her lie began to feel less tangible than the fog. She wanted to cry, but she had forgotten how.
“I had to come from somewhere. There must be someone else here,” she assured herself. “A parent, a guardian, a creator of some sort.” They’d have all the answers. They’d give her purpose and guidance. They’d teach her how the world works and help her find her place.
“Unless I simply came to be on my own. No, I couldn’t have materialized from thin air,” she shook her head. If that were the case, where did she learn to walk and talk? Unless she was born knowing such things, but that’d be ridiculous. Just as absurd as infinite subway tunnels.
“I want out, I want out!” She cried. Her voice echoed through the tunnels, and received no answer. How long ago was it that she last wished to leave? Days? Months? Years? Minutes? She couldn’t tell. She couldn’t remember. She only remembered wandering aimlessly. Did she ever sleep or eat? Did she have to? She couldn’t remember ever doing it. Then again, she couldn’t remember what had happened five minutes ago. It was all a blur, an infinite, foggy blur.
Her hand dragged across the concrete wall, desperate to stay standing. If she collapsed now, then all this time would be for naught. She’d disappear into oblivion, unaware if she was leaving anyone behind or not. Then her heart skipped as her palm was struck with an unfamiliar sensation. The feeling of metal.
“Could it be?” She grabbed at the wall, but it wasn’t just a wall. There was a door, a real genuine door with a handle and everything. She yanked at it, desperate to pull it open, but it refused to budge, and her heart sank into the floor.
“After all this time,” she fell to her knees. Her first chance at anything resembling escape in heaven knows how long, and it was locked. There was never a choice in the first place. “Why?” She slammed her hand into the door, only managing to bruise herself. She threw herself at the door in agony, over and over again. Until finally, her hand slipped onto the handle as she tackled the door, which opened right away.
“Of course,” she allowed herself to laugh for the first time in, well, ever actually, and pushed forward. Now all she saw was darkness. The fog was still there, but now whatever dim light lit the subway tunnels would no longer guide her. She looked back at the tunnels one last time and then allowed the door to shut behind her. She marched forward into oblivion and allowed herself to be pulled along to wherever this new path would take her.
>>>~~~~<<<
What's more terrifying, forgetting everything you know or realizing you never had any such memories to begin with? Regardless, when you are left with no past, your only choice is too look to the future.
Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy.
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