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Tuesday, June 25, 2024

Maid in Fantasy - Done & Doner

Story Hub: [link]

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            Lady Aré leaned back in her comfy chair as she perused her book. It was always nice to have these moments to herself, away from the hustle of her job, Aphros’s gums flapping, or smart-ass teenagers talking back to her. As she picked up her evening tea and brought it to her lips, she briefly considered getting some snacks to accompany her night’s entertainment. However, the thought was shelved as her bathroom door swung open.

            “I’m done cleaning all the palace toilets,” the silver-haired maid announced as she sauntered into Aré’s room. The noble scanned her mind and recalled a name. This was Penelo Gataki, the “new hire.” Or rather, the idiot responsible for wrecking the palace gardens. Aré had punished her by making her clean the palace’s toilets, which Penelo considered a great responsibility and generous reward (for some reason).

            Aré found the girl confusing. The Gataki family didn’t exactly hate their jobs. But that did not mean they were not in love with having to dispose of all the sewage and trash in the kingdom. Yet, Penelo adored the job more than life itself. Perhaps it was admirable to be so dedicated to one’s duties. However, Aré felt there was a limit to taking pride in any job, no matter how glorious it supposedly was.

            “How the heck did you get in here?” Aré asked the obvious question. “How long have you been in here?”

            “Through the other door, about an hour,” Penelo answered.

            “I’ve been here for two hours and never saw you come in,” Aré exclaimed, “and what other door?”

            “The other door to the bathroom,” Penelo answered. “It’s the only way I could get in after you threw me out the last seven times.”

            “There is no other door,” the noble pointed out, “and I threw you out because you get barging into my private quarters unannounced.”

            “I wasn’t coming in unannounced,” Penelo defended herself.

            “Breaking through my ceiling or windows is not considered an appropriate method of announcing one’s intent to enter a room!” Aré shouted.

            “It doesn’t say that in the worker’s manual,” Penelo countered.

            “Of course not, it’s common sense, you…” Aré stopped herself before she really blew her top. “You know what? Forget it. I’m clearly not getting through to you, nor will I get the answers I want. Just get back to work.” Aré had dealt with many people like Penelo before. It wasn’t worth the time or energy to unravel their moon logic.

            “But I finished my work. I just said so,” the maid explained.

            “You most certainly did not finish cleaning every toilet in the palace,” Aré rolled her eyes. “It’s been what, not even two weeks since you started working? Even if you went without eating or sleeping, there’s just not enough time in the day for you to clean that many.”

            “Sleeping?” Penelo pondered as she poked her own cheek.

            “You have been sleeping, right?” Aré felt a sudden sharp concern jolt through her.

            “…Yes?” Penelo didn’t seem too sure.

            “And you’ve eaten, right?” Aré asked.

            “Think so…” Penelo scratched her head. “I was so eager to finish my work, I almost forgot to.”

            “Well…” Aré felt oddly guilty. A part of her realized she should have supervised this girl more closely. ‘What in the Lord’s name is going on with this girl? She’s worse than Ze was back in the day, and even then, she only went four days without eating or sleeping that one time.’ Aré considered her next words carefully. “Regardless, you still couldn’t have cleaned all the toilets, but I’m sure you’ve done more than enough to earn yourself some food and sleep.”

            “But I did clean the toilet. I kept track,” Penelo pulled out a small rolled-up piece of paper. As she unfurled it, the tiny scroll that easily fit in her pocket a moment ago expanded to a comically long list that rolled across Arés floor, around a table, and back past Penelo. It was apparently a list, and each line had a checkmark next to it. “Let’s see, North Hall, South Hall, West Hall, East Hall, Weast Hall, Summer Hall, Winter Hall, Autumn Hall, Spring Hall, Smarch Hall, the executive guest room, Lady Aphros’s room, Lady Herme’s room, Lady Ze’s room, Your room, servant’s quarters 1-12, the Princess’s bathrooms, the Queen’s, the King’s, the tennis courts, the other nobles whose names I don’t know, General Chrona’s, the secret bathroom, the super secret bathroom, the bathroom that never was, the bathroom inside another bathroom, the auditorium bathroom, the basement bathrooms 1-45, the inverted baths, the pool rooms, the church’s bathrooms, the batroom bathroom, the toilet in the sky, the sacred porcelain, a bunch that don’t have names, guest rooms 1-27, the grand hall, and that one creepy tomb place, plus a few others that I can’t read, oh and also…”

            “Enough already!” Aré yelled. “I mean, I get it,” the noble coughed. “Alright, I’ll take your word for it, for now. Just take the day off, do whatever you do for fun, and get out of my hair.”

            “Sure thing, Lady Aré,” Penelo bowed and began to walk away.

            “Where did you even get that list anyway?” Aré asked as the maid was heading out the door.

            “Oh, a nice lady gave it to me, I didn’t catch her name,” Penelo answered. “She was pretty, though, and disappeared behind a pillar afterward. She told me about the other door in your bathroom, too.” With that, the maid exited the door and skipped down the hall without a care in the world.

            “A pretty lady? Disappeared?” Aré tried to piece together who it could be. “Wait, no, it can’t be. Your majesty, why?!”

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There are few things as satisfying as finishing all your work and being given the okay to go and enjoy yourself.

Author's Note: I think pairing Penelo with anyone produces instant comedy. We'll see more of that in Volume 4.

Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy.

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