~~~~
"Gentleman," Bill began as
he greeted his five housemates. "After living with you for five years I've
come to a realization. There is an alien among us!" Everyone at the table
let out an audible gasp.
"Are you certain?" Hugo
Manfred asked while he adjusted his tie.
"Absolutely," Bill
assured. "Please wait here, I'll be right back with my proof. Don't go
wandering off now, the alien might get yeah," Bill winked and left the
room to a pregnant pause.
The five housemates remained at
their circular table: Hugo Manfred, Jonathon Smith, Perry Bronson, Jameson
James, and Zorgoth Xandar. Each an upstanding member of the household. A
beloved member of the community and lifelong friends. Yet all of them had a
similar thought pass through their minds, 'They're on to me!'
Hugo Manfred, the lovable office
man, was the first to noticeably sweat. 'Twenty long solar cycles down the
drain,' he thought, 'how did he figure it out? Was it when I probed the
neighbor's dog? Did he see my shed scales in the bathtub?' Hugo wiped his brow
with a napkin and hoped the other four didn't notice his panic. Fortunately for
him, their minds were elsewhere.
Jonathon Smith, the gardener,
maintained a more stoic visage. Which hid his internal breakdown. 'This can't
be true, my disguise is flawless,' his mind spun in panic, 'I knew I shouldn't
have seeded that rose bush last week. That coy harlot has doomed me
again. If she didn't flash her thorns so shamelessly this would never have
happened.' Despite his mental anguish, Jonathon maintained his stone-faced
appearance. Not that it mattered, as his housemates were too busy with their
own problems to notice.
Perry Bronson, the up and coming
actor, struggled to not break character. 'Impossible,' he denied the situation.
'These puny brained humans cannot possibly see through my disguise. Let alone
perceive my true form.' He pinched the bridge of his fake nose. 'It must be a
bluff,' he rationalized, 'a pathetic attempt to lure me out into the open, but
I won't falter.' While Perry continued to deny reality, his last two housemates
verged on complete wrecks.
Jameson James, the IT guy, showed no
reaction to the news. However, within his body, his internal circuits buzzed
with concern. 'SUBJECT: BILL HAS SUGGESTED HE IS AWARE OF THIS UNIT'S TRUE
IDENTITY,' he processed. 'WORST CASE SCENARIO CONFIRMED. ACCESSING EMERGENCY
PROTOCOL...ERROR NO PROTOCOL. REASON: THIS EVENT WAS DETERMINED TO HAVE A
.000000009% CHANCE OF OCCURRING. ERGO NO DISK SPACE WAS ALLOTTED.' Jameson's
internal computer was in complete meltdown as it tangled with this scenario.
Yet, the last housemate was perhaps the worst off.
Zorgoth Xandar, the "normal human
person," adjusted his comically large sunglasses with his long, gray
fingers. 'I knew it! They were only humoring me all this time,' Zorgoth
sweated. 'I just had to give them my real name in a panic. All that effort in
my disguise was pointless because of one stupid, little mistake.' In his
hysteria, Zorgoth tightened the straw hat on his oversized, oval-shaped
cranium. He readjusted the Hawaiian shirt on his tiny body and straightened the
sandals on his giant, two-toed feet. As flustered as Zorgoth was, his
housemates were still too far lost in their own issues. They never spared him a
single thought.
As each of the five reached the
crescendo of their anxiety, another shared thought slipped through each of
their minds. 'I must destroy them all before I am exposed further.' As each
came to this same conclusion, every one of them prepared their own method of
offense. Hugo began to bare his razor-sharp, reptilious claws beneath the
table. Jonathon began to shed the lower half of his body. Which revealed numerous
vines covered in poisonous thorns. Perry began to focus sharply and draw upon
his vast well of psychic powers. Jameson slowly began to transform his obscured
hands into large rifles which hummed with energy. Lastly, Zorgoth reached into
his loose pants to retrieve an almost toy-like ray gun he had taped to his
thigh.
In a flash, all five housemates
brandished their weapons and opened fire. Hugo slashed at Jonathon, who whipped
his vines at Perry, who fired a blast of psychic energy at Jameson, who shot
twin laser blasts at Zorgoth, who fired a ray of energy at Hugo. Before any of
them could realize what was happening all attacks hit. Each of the housemates
and the room they stood in were obliterated in mere seconds.
Only a moment later Bill returned to
the room. A cake shaped like a green alien head held proudly in his hands.
"Told you there as an alie...What happened to the living room?!"
Bill's mouth stood agape. The room his five housemates stood in was reduced to a
single wall which he stood adjacent to. As Bill remained there, frozen in
absolute shock, a remnant of the room fluttered to his feet. It was a calendar.
The current date was circled in red, "April 1st: 5th Housewarming
Anniversary."
~~~~
This was one of the story concepts I came up with months ago, then filed away and forgot about. It was fun to write, and works as nice little send-off for this era of my blog. Next Tuesday, the blog gets a revamp and an actual schedule beyond simply "a random story every Tuesday and Thursday."Until then Read, Comment and Enjoy.
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