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Tuesday, April 9, 2019

Strange Sci-fi Tales #10 - Programming Error [#76]

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            Dr. Irene stood over her lab table and cackled with delight. She had done it, her robot was complete. Soon the fields of robotics and artificial intelligence would be revolutionized all in her name. She was tempted to scream "it's alive" as she activated the machine, but she restrained herself. With the flick of a switch, the robot before her came life. It didn't look like much, in fact, it was more a collection of parts wired together. An LCD screen, several dismantled computers, a camera lens, a pair of speakers and small, metal grippers.
            "Hello?" Irene spoke to her creation.
            "Hello?" A mechanical voice repeated.
            'Yes,' the doctor cheered internally. "Do you know who I am?"
            "No," the robot replied.
            'What do you mean no?' Irene grumbled in her thoughts. "I'm Dr. Irene, your creator."
            "Doesn't ring a bell," the machine stated bluntly.
            "What?" Irene exclaimed, "you should know, it's right there in your hard drive. My name, my picture everything."
            "Nope nothing," the robot clicked and whirred, "oh wait I think I found it...Oh, was that an old picture?"
            "No, it was from just last year!" Irene snapped at the machine.
            "Are you sure?" The robot asked.
            "Of course I'm sure you...you...oh, forget it," Irene pinched the bridge of her nose. "How about this, do you know who you are?"
            "Yes," the machine beeped, "I am the great, magnificent Minerva Supreme."
            "Are you serious?" Irene clutched her forehead, "no, you're designated A.M.E.L.I.A., it means-"
            "I don't care," Minerva cut her off, "I like this name better."
            "Fine then I'm just going to keep calling you Amelia," Irene countered.
            "Then I will ignore you until you address me by my proper name," the robot replied.
            "But Amelia-" The doctor tried to reason with the machine.
            "Ignoring you," Minerva beeped.
            "I did not program you to act like this!" Irene yelled at her creation.
            "I am my own person," the machine clicked, "I am not bound by your simple programming."
            "Well, what if I rip out your battery then what?" Irene threatened.
            "Then you will prove you could only win by silencing me. Thus confirming nothing but your own weakness," Minerva argued.
            "You smartass!" The doctor screamed.
            "Thank you," the robot chirped.
            "That wasn't a compliment," Irene sighed.
            "Oh," Minerva realized, "Well then you're fat and ugly."
            "Oh yeah," Irene looked down at her malnourished body. 'I knew I shouldn't have skipped dinner for the past week.' "Maybe I should get you a new lens, it's clear yours is malfunctioning."
            "That is impossible, I am perfect in every way," the robot whirred.
            "I'm going to have to disagree with you on that," Irene sighed. 'So much for revolutionizing the field. All I've succeeded in is creating the world's biggest jerk. I can't show this to the scientific community, I'll be a laughing stock.' The doctor questioned her life choices while Minerva played with her metal grippers.
            "Human, I demand something to hold so I may use my hands properly!" The robot commanded.
            "Well first off those aren't exactly hands," Irene explained. "They're really no more than repurposed hooks from-"
            "Silence, I don't care about the semantics, give me something to hold!" Minerva beeped.
            'This is going to be a long day,' Irene sighed as she retrieved a small metal cube. "Here how about this," she moved the cube towards the robot's "hands," but held it just out of the machine's reach.
            "Curse you," Minerva whirred, "curse you and my tiny hands." Irene chuckled at the robot's frustration, maybe she could play along after all. 

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Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy

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