~~~~
It all happened so fast I didn't I
have time to react, I was blinded by a bright light, and then suddenly I was
here. Strapped to a metal chair, surrounded by strange creatures with sharp
tools. I had been abducted by aliens. However, no amount of science fiction
movies and books could have prepared me for this.
"So is this what they call a
Gorilla?" A short grey alien asked.
"No, I think those are
hairier," a tall green alien replied.
"What are you talking about,
it's covered in hair," the grey alien exclaimed. I did forget to shave
this morning, but that was still rude.
"Nope I'm pretty sure they're
even hairier than that like top to bottom," the green alien affirmed.
"I think that's ridiculous, I'm
just going to keep calling it a gorilla," the short one crossed its arms.
"Well I hope you enjoy being
wrong," the tall one spat, "just get over yourself and prepare the
probing device." Despite the insult, the grey alien pulled out a thin,
silver device as ordered. It had a sharp needle at one end and a red orb that
glowed at the other.
"Um, can I raise a veto to
this?" I tentatively asked.
"Silence gorilla-thing,"
the little grey alien yelled, "this doesn't involve you."
"I'm feeling pretty
involved," I argued, "besides, why can you speak English?"
"How do you think we got this
job?" the green alien stated, "English is the only language on Earth,
of course, we'd need to speak it."
"But there are hundreds if not
thousands of languages spoken on Earth," I explained.
"There are!?" The short
alien almost dropped the probe in shock.
"Nonsense, then why are you
speaking English?" The tall alien argued.
"Because I'm from an English
speaking country," I stated. "If you looked a little harder you could
probably find someone who speaks Spanish or Chinese."
"What's a Spanish?" The
little grey alien asked.
"Nothing, I bet he made it up
so he wouldn't look stupid," the big green alien claimed. "But, fine,
we'll look for your 'Spanish' or 'Chinese' language. When we don't find
anything, we'll laugh at how stupid you are hairless-Gorilla thing." Well,
I can already tell this is going to be a fun day.
"Fine just go to the most
populated place on the planet," I told them, that way we'd end up in Japan
or China or something.
"Alright then, set a course for
the most populated location on the planet," the green alien announced.
"To Utah!" The two aliens
said in unison.
"That's almost literally the
opposite of what I meant!" I screamed.
~~~~
Even among hyper, advanced aliens there are incompetent people who get a job because they have an extremely specific skill.
Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy
~~~~
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