~~~~
"Attention: The blue zone is
for phasing and unphasing only. Thank you," a digitized voice echoed
throughout the station before it quickly repeated itself. I leaned back in my
chair behind my desk and sighed. A cavalcade of alien creatures shuffled
through the area in front of me. I snuck a peek out the window, a field of
stars and spaceships of countless shapes and sizes consumed the view. As I
turned my attention back to the crowd before me, a large, blob-like alien
slithered up to me.
"Is this the information
kiosk?" The alien asked me through a translation device attached to its
side. I looked up at the electric sign above me, it said "Information
Kiosk" in roughly a million languages.
"Yes," I replied.
"Where's the bathroom?"
The blob inquired.
"Second door on the left,"
I pointed in the direction the alien had come from.
"Thank you," the creature
pulsated, which I assume is its equivalent to a nod. The alien quickly
slithered towards the direction I had pointed. I sighed again as I propped
myself up on my desk with my arm.
'That was the twelfth person in the
past hour to ask me the same question,' I thought to myself. 'I swear if
another random creature asks me those same two questions again I think I might
lose it.'
"Attention Glorbal Galaxy
Residents: This station follows universal time sync standard. Please refrain
from entering alternative time syncs while on this station. Thank you,"
the digitized voice chimed in again before it repeated itself. As I considered
what the last announcement implied a strange event unfolded nearby.
What looked like a regular human, a
rare sight in this station, stood stiff in the middle of the crowd before they
walked away robotically. At first, I thought it was a lazily programmed
replicant android, but then security descended on them. As the
"human" was pinned to the floor, seams appeared along all of its
limbs and neck. Finally, it burst open into a colony of tiny worms. It was
somewhat amusing to watch the security personnel chase after the worms with
buckets and nets.
"Attention: A reminder to all
species, just because it looks like food, doesn't mean it is. The eating of
other sentient life, their pets or property is a crime and will be punished accordingly.
This public service announcement brought to you by the Intergalactic
Association For The Protection of Edible Life Forms," the digitized voice
stated.
'Don't remind me,' my skin crawled
as the statement repeated. 'How many coworkers have I almost lost to hungry
aliens? About 5 I think. Although I think the announcement was actually
intended to protect food aliens. Like the chocolate people of Jular 8, those
poor creatures.' As I considered the last announcement, a mechanical alien that
looked like a brain stuffed inside a robot approached me.
"Is this the information
kiosk?" It asked in a synthetic voice.
'Oh no here we go,' I dreaded.
"Yes."
"Excellent," the brain
exclaimed as one of its limbs unfolded into a gun. "Surrender all your
information, fleshbag."
'Never mind, it's actually worse
than I first thought,' I gulped. "You do know the information is free
right?" I asked while I leaned forward onto my desk.
"Surrender the information
now!" The synthetic voice commanded as it jammed its gun in my face.
"Certainly," I nodded as I
pressed a button beneath my desk. On cue, a swarm of security personnel tackled
the robot before it could repaint the kiosk with my insides. The lead security
officer gave me a salute as they dragged the mad machine away. 'I take it back,
I'll lead people to the bathroom for the next hundred cycles if that means I
won't have to deal with that.'
"Attention: The blue zone is
for phasing and unphasing only," the digitized voice echoed through the
station again. I sighed and leaned back in my chair, as my heart raced ever so slightly.
Just another day at the office I guess.
~~~~
This was just a silly story I jotted down on a whim. My favorite kind of humor is the kind that drags the fantastic into the mundane, then mines it for comedy, and I wanted to write a sci-fi version of that. That's all I have to say for now.Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy
~~~~
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