~~~~
“Good evening, ladies and
gentlemen,” a man in a lab coat began. “This is the regular meeting of the
four-state area group of Villains Anonymous. My name is Dr. Chaos, and I am a
villain and your secretary. I see we have a lot of new faces today and a lot of
old faces as well.” Dr. Chaos gestured to the rest of the people in the room
who sat with him in a circle of chairs. “Let us begin the meeting with the
villain’s oath, new members just repeat after me.”
Everyone in the room raised their
hand to their side and recited, “We are villain, evil is in our blood. We
fight, we fail and go to jail, but that’s all right. We won’t let the bad weigh
us down, we’ll find our own meaning in life.”
“Excellent,” Dr. Chaos exclaimed. “Now
then, Villains Anonymous is a fellowship of men, woman, mutants, monsters and
every combination thereof. We are here to help our fellow evil-doers cope with
their villainous tendencies. There are no fees or dues required. The most we
may ask is the occasional donation to keep the coffee machine running. But
enough with the usual spiel, let’s begin in earnest, Crab-Man how about you
start?”
“Hello everyone, I am Crab-Man, and
I’m a villain,” another man in a lab coat introduced himself. However, he also
had a giant metal crab claw in place of a right arm.
“Hi Crab-Man,” the entire room
greeted him.
“You see when I was a boy I was horribly
traumatized by a crab that attacked me with a knife,” Crab-Man revealed. “This
fear followed me all the way to my days in graduate school, where I was
ridiculed by my peers in the marine biology department for being so afraid of
crabs. Those insolent fools!”
“And is that what sparked your
desire for villainy Crab-Man?” Dr. Chaos asked.
“Yes, for you see, even after I
received my doctorate, my reputation as the one afraid of crabs never left me,”
Crab-Man began to tear up. “My colleagues from my grad school days never let me
live it down. No matter which lab I worked at, I struggled to be taken seriously.
We were supposed to be people of science, but they never stopped mocking me
over my irrational fears. So finally I turned my own fears into a weapon and
became Crab-Man and enacted my revenge against those ignorant monkeys.”
Crab-Man jumped to his feet and began an evil laugh.
“Settle down friend, no one will
judge you here,” Dr. Chaos attempted to calm the crustacean themed villain.
“Apologies, it’s just I get so
emotional over that story. The truth is I never wanted to deal with crabs,”
tears welled up in the villain’s eye, “I always wanted to study starfish, but
now it’ll never happen.”
“It’s okay Crab-Man, we understand,”
Dr. Chaos assured his colleague, “how about we talk about something a little
less painful for you? Any frustrations you have in your life of villainy?”
“Well,” Crab-Man dried his tears,
“I’m sick of heroes calling me Crabby, Mr. Crabs and stuff like that. I’m no
A-list threat, and no one really takes me seriously, but that doesn’t mean they
can call me names!”
“So you’re more upset about being
disrespected than anything else?” Dr. Chaos asked.
“Pretty much,” Crab-Man rubbed his
claw, “I know I’m a D-Lister, but I live an breath it, that’s my thing. But I’d
rather be fodder than be singled out.”
“That’s a brave thing to say
Crab-Man,” Dr. Chaos complimented him, “you’ve set a good example for the rest
of the group.”
“Thank you,” the villain smiled,
“it’s really nice to get this stuff off my chest.”
“Good, then let’s have someone else
take the floor,” Dr. Chaos gestured out to the room.
~~~~
Even the bad guys need support groups. Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy.
~~~~
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