Strange Sci-fi Tales - The Beginner's Guide to Everything Part 12

  Part: I|II|III|IV|V|VI|VII|VIII|IX|X|XI

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           Previously on the Beginner’s Guide to Everything: Mary Brown, the most normal girl in the multiverse, was stranded on the eighth ring of the megacity Mobius, which surrounded the center of the multiverse. With no money or communications, she and the cyborg A-2 are left on the streets with little hope of making it back to the Beginner’s Guide office. Meanwhile, Ronnie and Triz escaped law enforcement by ducking into a nearby sewer, only to stumble onto the treasure horde of a very angry sewer lich. The sentient gas cloud Jerry floated off to do his own thing. Apparently, he owes some old friends a favor…

~--~

           Being trapped on a pile of rancid smelling treasure, surrounded by zombie rats and their lich master, was not the way Triz and Ronnie expected to die. At least, not on this day, considering all the countless other things that nearly killed them. As the undead horde closed in, the two women considered their options and braced for the worst.

           “Who dares traipse about my lair, who dares lay a finger upon my possessions?” The sewer lich’s voice echoed throughout the sewer—his skeletal claws bearing down at the two.

           “Wait, oh great and mighty lich,” Ronnie thought fast, “we’re not here to take your treasure. We heard you were looking to expand your horde.”

           “Oh, one of those, huh?” The lich spat, “I told you drones, I don’t want to invest my wealth! I’ll do to you what I did with the last doorknockers!” The undead gestured to a pile of skeletons in decayed suits in the corner.

           “Not an investment; a whole bunch of treasure just entered the city,” Ronnie explained. “MPD8 just secured a huge horde of gold and jewels that was smuggled from another dimension,” the pink-haired fugitive continued.

           “Really?” The lich stopped in mid-lunge.

           “Yep, saw it with our own eyes; we just thought you might want to know,” Ronnie put on a winning smile.

           “Very well, your lives are spared for the moment. I must fact check this,” the lich commanded one of his rats to scurry away. It returned several moments later with a gold coin in its mouth. “You speak the truth after all, very good.” The lich “smiled.”

           “Are you sssure thisss isss a good idea?” Triz whispered to Ronnie. “I don’t like the idea of giving up all that treasssure either,” the lizard woman admitted.

           “It’s either that, death or undeath,” Ronnie retorted, “and between you and me, I like being alive and not a zombie.”

           “My rats, countless scurrying fiends,” the lich proclaimed, “we march on the MPD8 to claim our next treasure horde!”

~--~

           “It’s our lucky day,” A-2 exclaimed as she picked up another errant coin off the ground.

           “That’s well and good, but I don’t think we’ll gather enough spare change to pay for a cab ride to another dimension,” Mary pointed out. “It’d be great if we could just use a payphone or something, but I doubt we’d find something like that.”

           “Just look it up in the guide,” A-2 proposed.

           “Fine,” Mary flipped open the Beginner’s Guide to Everything’s index and searched for the word payphone. To her surprise, among the illogically ordered pages, she found that exact word and a page number. After scouring through the nonsensical assortment of paper, she found the page, which listed a description of the payphone in a little factoid box in the corner.

~--~

           As described by the Beginner’s Guide, the payphone is a common invention throughout the multiverse. Usually, in worlds that have figured out mass communication is important but haven’t quite figured out how to fit it in their pockets. The evolution of payphones to mobile phones is considered one of the most confusing and random processes in the multiverse. Mainly because few realities wanted to do it the easy way.

           The portable phone booth was a popular item in many dimensions, doomed to fail but still popular. However, lugging around several hundred kg of metal proved detrimental to most species’ backs. That lead to the collapsible phone booth, which weighed just as much but in a smaller space. The popup phone booth and the instant phone booth were admirable next steps. Still, both products’ time on shelves were cut short by a series of interdimensional lawsuits.

           Of course, then some genius comes along and says, “Hey, why don’t we forget the booth part and just shrink the phone?” Alas, the universe had some strange affection for the phone booths and refused to let go. That was until the invention of cellphone games. Then all of reality collectively dumped the phone booth to play block matching games on tiny screens.

           However, there is still some small part of the multiverse that idealizes the golden years of the phone booth. Specifically, Mobius, and more specifically, the eighth ring of Mobius, which possesses the “last phone booth in the universe.” It exists just down the street from the MPD8 HQ. A fully functioning device, complete with cross-dimensional calling capabilities.

           It is a popular tourist attraction, in that every once and while people come down to take a picture with it. Other than that, it gets most of use by mischievous sorts using it to make prank calls that can’t be traced back to them.

~--~

           Mary looked up from the guide, and just as it stated, there was a single phone booth standing off on its own in the street. “How convenient,” the bland woman commented.

           “Why don’t we call GOTM and ask if their refrigerator is running?” A-2 asked.

           “Work first, then you can make all the prank calls you want,” Mary shook her head and took the change from the cyborg. She marched right up to the booth, stepped inside, put in her change, and began punching in the Beginner’s Guide office number. “Everything will work out,” Mary told herself as the phone rang.

           “Fear me, mortals, for the lich has returned!” The sewer lich busted out from beneath the street, his army of zombie rats swarming onto the streets. The undead stormed through the streets tearing through everything in his path before casually breaking through the phone booth, leaving it in two pieces.

           “Fuck me,” Mary cursed as she stood in the remaining half of the phone booth. The phone was still clutched in her hand, but the cord was severed, along with everything else.

~--~

           Meanwhile, Jerry had floated off on his own to a seedy part of town. Behind closed doors, the sentient gas cloud met with a couple fellows of his species. Jerry’s cloud shriveled before the two, his displeasure evident to all who could see. Before him hovered a pair of bright green gas clouds, one with a cigar floating in its form.

           “We called in a lot of favors to get you out, Jerry,” the cigar cloud explained.

           “You owe us a big favor,” the other cloud continued.

           “I’m out of the game,” Jerry refused. “Heck, I never wanted to be in the game in the first place.”

           “If that’s what you want, then pay us back, and this will all disappear,” the cigar cloud assured.

           “What do you want?” Jerry sighed.

           “Our boys in MPD8 told us your group smuggled in quite a bit of treasure,” the second cloud explained. “While we’d like that, we have a feeling there’s a lot more. Where is it?”

           “Oh, dear,” Jerry puffed.

To Be Continued…

~~~~ 

Losing contact with your workplace is always a harrowing experience. Few things are as frustrating as being unable to ring up your boss to tell them you'll be running a tad late. Always remember to keep your communication options open and numerous, you never know when you'll be in desperate need of a simple phone call.

Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy 

~~~~ 

Support me on Patreon: [link]

Strange Sci-fi Tales - The Beginner's Guide to Everything Part 11

 Part: I|II|III|IV|V|VI|VII|VIII|IX|X

~~~~

            Previously on the Beginner’s Guide to Everything: Mary Brown, the most normal girl in the multiverse, escaped Hazard, the danger dimension. Only for herself and her four companions to get immediately arrested upon entering the eighth ring of Mobius. The megacity that surrounds the center of the multiverse. Mary, A-2, and Jerry got off easy, the latter for unknown reasons. Triz and Ronnie, as an ex-con and current fugitive, respectively, were not so lucky and made a break for it at the first opportune moment. Knowing trouble when she sees it, Mary decided to stop being involved in the two. Instead, she planned to work towards getting back to the Beginner’s Guide office to begin her plain, boring life anew. Not that she knows how to get back…

~--~

           Triz and Ronnie raced down the streets of Mobius’s eighth ring, the MPD8 on their tails. Ronnie was looking for an alley or path to duck down into, but the pink-haired fugitive was well aware Mobius’s odd architecture made that a challenging prospect. Triz was more focused on the road ahead of her, the lizard woman deathly afraid of running into an impassible obstacle.

           The MPD8 officers were furious at the two for attempting such a bold escape. However, being very familiar with the area, they had already planned on how to surround and recapture the two using an intersection up ahead. In only a few moments, the impromptu escape would be quashed.

           ‘Shit, shit, shit,’ Ronnie swore in her mind. ‘We’ve got minutes before they’re piling on us again. Why doesn’t this stupid city have any obvious alleys?’ The fugitive’s gaze darted all around the area, searching for an escape route she knew she wouldn’t find. ‘Wait…Just think in 3-D Ronnie,’ her eyes wandered down.

           “Well, thisss isss the end,” Triz bemoaned. “I hope you enjoy…What are you doing?” The ex-space pirate witnessed Ronnie veer off to the side and start parkouring up the side of a building. The lizard woman shrugged and followed suit.

           The MPD8 were left in an awkward position; their heavy equipment made it difficult to follow in the two women’s acrobatics. Chasing them would be a difficult prospect at this point. That left them with but one recourse.

           “Screw it,” the lead officer exclaimed, “set weapon from stun to…more painful stun!” They aimed their weapons and released a hail of laser bolts.

           “Follow my lead,” Ronnie told Triz as they climbed atop a roof before getting hit by a laser and falling over the other side. Out of sight from the officers.

           “What?” Triz was confused as she got hit by another bolt and fell over as well.

           “Retrieve the suspects…or bodies if they landed on their heads,” the lead officer ordered. The squad charged forward, soon the two runaways would be in their grasp.

~--~

           “We’ll never get back at this rate,” Mary sighed as she and A-2 sat on the steps outside the MPD8 HQ. The sound of lasers going off in the distance left her with little hope for Ronnie and Triz’s fates, but her pity well for Ronnie had run dry long ago.

           “That sucks. Now you have nothing to distract yourself from your inevitable mental breakdown,” A-2 commented.

           “Thanks, I finally forget about that,” Mary moaned. The bland woman recalled that her whole home universe was destroyed, and she had almost died at least four times today. The constant states of shock, horror, and adrenaline Mary had been through all day had kept the reality from sinking in. Whether or not she has mental scars was no longer up for debate; how badly it’ll affect her for the rest of her life was the real question. “First thing I do when…if I get back, is get a therapist.”

           “You could always have your memory wiped. That’s what most Beginner’s Guide employees and executives do,” A-2 suggested.

           “I’ll take into consideration,” Mary accepted the advice. ‘I just wish that I could get in contact with those idiots…’

~--~

           Mere moments ago, while Ronnie and Triz were still running, Mary had politely asked to use the MPD8’s front desk phone to make a call. The person at the desk shrugged and handed it to her. Thankfully, the number and address to the Beginner’s Guide office were printed right in the guide itself, in frustratingly tiny print. Mary had hoped she could get in contact with her new workplace and arrange transport home, unfortunately before she could get a word in…

           “Hello, you’ve reached the front desk to the Beginner’s Guide to Everything,” the familiar bored sounding voice of that six-armed secretary came through the phone. “I see you are calling from a law enforcement agency; I’m sorry to inform you, officer, that Beginner’s Guide employees are forbidden from speaking to law enforcement. Please direct all questions to our legal and marketing departments, goodbye.”

           The same line was repeated no matter how many times Mary called and no matter what she said. The bland woman began to suspect the secretary had recorded an automated message that filtered out any and all calls from law enforcement. With attempts to contact her new job fruitless, Mary gave up on the phone call and left the HQ to go have a mental breakdown on the stairs outside.

~--~

           “So, after your mental breakdown, what next?” A-2 inquired.

           “Maybe a good Samaritan will let us use their phone,” Mary half-heartedly suggested as she viewed the streets before her. The creatures roaming the streets reminded her of the bizarre beings that occupied the cubicles back at the Beginner’s Guide office. Some humans, some rubber foreheaded aliens, demons, little green men, strange horrors, and other weird-looking beings filled the streets.

           Mary would like to solve her problems with a simple conversation. However, she didn’t know whether or not she could communicate with half these beings, let alone ask them for something. Also, her social anxiety combined with existential dread made the idea of talking to strangers unpalatable regardless.

           “Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t even know the language here,” Mary slumped. “Except for the fact, all the officers seem to speak English.”

           “Nope, they don’t,” A-2 corrected.

           “What?” Mary was taken aback.

           “Some kind of nano implant helps you speak to any other person,” A-2 explained, “that or they’re a wizard using a translate spell. Pretty sure Ronnie, myself, the GOTM and MPD8 officers, and everyone on the factoid team have the implant.”

           “How convenient,” Mary pointed out.

           “I know, right? Communication sucked before that,” A-2 laughed. “Here,” A-2’s finger folded out into a needle, and she pricked Mary.

           “Ow, what was that?” Mary squealed.

           “Nano implant, just told you,” A-2 giggled. “All the A models can do that. So can the B and C and…actually I think almost all the models can.”

           “Wait, a universal translator is something so basic that its standard feature?” Mary was astounded.

           “Yeah, what you thought universal communication was some highly complex invention?” The cyborg asked.

           “Um, yeah,” Mary shrugged.

           “That’s what you thought about flying, computers and the self-cooking hotdog, but look where they are now,” A-2 pinched Mary’s cheek. “Humans are so silly.”

          “Right,” Mary’s mental breakdown was stemmed by a fresh flood of humiliation.

          “You two still here?” Jerry floated by.

          “Oh, hey Jerry,” A-2 looked up at the gas cloud. “What to go back to the office?”

           “Nah, I got to visit some old friends,” Jerry stated, “need to pay them back for a recent favor.” The sentient gas cloud drifted away.

           “Okay, have fun,” A-2 waved him off.

           “Old friends? Recent favor?” Mary wondered. ‘You know what, I won’t touch that with a ten-foot pole.’

~--~

          “I can’t believe that worked,” Triz commented as the two women sat on a pile of musty-smelling treasure. The rancid stench of sewer waters surrounded them completely, mainly because they were in the sewers. The stomping feet of the MPD8 officers could still be heard on the streets above, but they would likely not find the two anytime soon.

           “Told you to follow my lead,” Ronnie leaned back. “Sure, their lasers stung, but those MPD8 guys are soft. They like to stun you and shake you down for the location of your stolen loot.”

            It was quite a miraculous escape. After the two fell off the roof, Ronnie nimbly avoided a painful death by bouncing off a nearby fire escape and landing on a dumpster. While she might have broken a bone or two, she was alive and conscious enough to locate a nearby sewer grate. Thankfully, Triz was a buffed-up lizard woman who could effortlessly pick up the heavy object, and the two dived inside.

            “To think we’d land on a pile of treasssure as well,” Triz chuckled, “mussst be our lucky day.”

            “I wouldn’t be so sure,” Ronnie gulped as she noticed the owner of the treasure entering the room. The large skeletal creature coursed with evil energy; a swarm of zombie rats followed in its wake. It stood tall over the injured women, with a vile anger in its eyes. The sewer lich had come to inspect its treasure horde, and it didn’t like visitors.

To Be Continued…

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Working abroad has its challenges, language barriers, local customs, strange encounters, etc. It's important to work through these problems and not wander about where you shouldn't, less you enrage some random person for no good reason.

Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy 

~~~~ 

Support me on Patreon: [link]

Strange Sci-fi Tales - The Beginner's Guide to Everything Part 10

Part: I|II|III|IV|V|VI|VII|VIII|IX

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           Previously on the Beginner’s Guide to Everything: Mary Brown, the most normal girl in the multiverse, finally escaped Hazard, the danger dimension. After Triz Claxy, ex-space pirate, and Ronnie Ray, current fugitive, threatened a crazy old hermit into letting them use his one-man dimension traversing device. Mary was sent ahead so her other four associates could follow after using the beacon Ronnie placed on her back. However, upon arrival in this new location, known as Mobius, the group was immediately apprehended by the local authorities.

~--~

           The twelve rings of Mobius surround the theoretical center of the multiverse. The structure serving as a grand megacity at the heart of reality. While they’re called rings, a designation popularized by the Beginner’s Guide to Everything, like the name suggests, Mobius actually consists of a dozen Mobius strips. The “rings” are arranged together like a gyroscope or sphere, creating the illusion they are an interlocked cage-like structure.

           As a series of Mobius strips, traversing the megacity is quite simple; just start walking, and you’ll eventually reach where you want to go. Of course, if your destination is on another ring, you might have to take a trolley, railway, shuttle, giant bird, jump really high, or other modes of transport to reach it. However, the city rarely mentions that, as it ruins their tourism slogan, “walk to anywhere in the multiverse.”

           Each of the twelve rings has its own purpose and specialty. Such as the first ring, which acts as a seat government of sorts. The fourth being a sanctuary to all the multiverse’s animals. While the eleventh is a horrid stretch of nightmares full of clowns and other unpleasant sights. However, the eighth ring is of particular importance, at is the den of commerce, the heart of trade for the entire multiverse – according to the city’s tourism board.

           Being such a central hub of trade, money, and goods, a sizable portion of people wish to lay claim to the latter two without paying. Dimensional breaching was once a common practice on Mobius, allowing you to pop in from one dimension/reality/timeline/universe/etc. and quickly pop back out, usually, with something that was not yours in tow. As a result, the practice was heavily restricted and practically outlawed without proper permits and licenses. Failing to acquire such things will result in your immediate arrest, especially so on the eighth ring.

           On that note, Mary, Triz, Ronnie, A-2, and Jerry just so happened to dimension hop right onto the eighth ring of Mobius while carrying an excessive amount of wealth and were swiftly arrested by the MPD8 (Mobius Peacekeeping Division 8).

~--~

           “So, what do you think of this thing?” The MPD8 officer asked his superior. The two uniformed men sat at the back of Division 8’s headquarters, where all the contraband was stored.

           “It looks like a hunk of junk,” he answered as he observed the decrepit one-man dimension travel device that Mary had used. “And are those default coordinates in the navigation computer?”

           “What a bunch of idiots, they’re lucky they’re not in the void right now,” the officer commented.

           “So, you get a lock on where they got all the gold from?” The superior observed the crates worth of riches they confiscated off the five.

           “No clue doesn’t have any identifying marks or nothing,” the officer shrugged. “Also, smells like ass. I don’t even want to know what sewer lich they stole this crap from.”

           “Well, that’s a dead lead. You figure out who they are yet?” The superior inquired.

           “The pink one’s a repeat offender, currently on the run too,” the officer explained. “The lizard is an ex-con, and so is the gas ball. They’re supposed to be employees for those Beginner’s Guide morons, so I don’t know how they ended with the pink girl.”

           “Seen this story a million times,” the superior sighed, “getting roped into one last job, and it all goes south. How about the cyborg?”

           “A living navigation computer for GOTM, no clue how they got ahold of her,” the officer shrugged. “It’s an A model, so she probably doesn’t even know what’s going on.”

           “Another count for theft on their part,” the superior nodded, “is that all of them?”

           “Yep, think so,” the officer confirmed.

~--~

           “They forgot about me again,” Mary sighed as she sat in the HQ’s waiting room.

           “Well, look on the bright side,” A-2 chirped, “now you know you can commit any crime you want and get away with it.”

           “But I don’t want to commit crimes; I want to go home,” Mary moaned. Jerry’s copy of The Beginner’s Guide still rested in her lap like a lump of coal. It made her somewhat sick to look at, mainly because it still smelled weird, but she couldn’t justify throwing away something that wasn’t hers. “What do we do now?”

           “No clue, I think they might seize me as evidence,” A-2 shrugged.

           “Go back to work. That’ll confuse them,” Jerry floated by.

           “Hey, Jerry, they let you off?” A-2 asked.

           “Yep,” the sentient gas cloud replied simply.

           “Aren’t you an ex-con, though? Shouldn’t this affect you really bad?” A-2 pointed out.

           “Don’t worry about it,” Jerry answered.

           “But I don’t under-.”

           “Don’t worry about it,” Jerry affirmed.

           ‘Note to self, do not question Jerry,’ Mary realized. “He has a point; I think right now I’d rather just go back to work.”

           “You want to go back to hazard?” A-2 exclaimed.

           “No, I mean back to the office,” Mary corrected. “After this little outing, I realized the same thing you did, I need less excitement in my life. I’d rather spend the rest of my life as a pencil-pushing secretary than go on more doomed adventurers.”

           “So, what about Ronnie and Triz?” A-2 asked.

           “I don’t care about Ronnie,” Mary stated flat out, “she’s done nothing but make the situation worse. She’s the reason the T-rex almost ate me, she’s the reason I was dumped off at the Beginner’s Guide office, she’s the reason those fluffball creatures made me half-deaf.”

           “Isn’t she also the reason you’re alive?” A-2 reminded her.

           “Just so I could end up on Hazard?” Mary argued.

           “That was your choice,” A-2 countered.

           “Umm…” Mary was taken aback. “Regardless, Ronnie isn’t safe to have around. Triz, well, I don’t have a problem with her, but the best I can do is put in a good word or call the Beginner’s Guide office to bail her out. But I don’t know how likely it is they’ll help.”

           “Well, if there’s nothing you can do anyway, where’s the shame in leaving them to their fate?” A-2 stated.

           “When you put it that way, I sound heartless,” Mary muttered.

           “Oh, I guess you do,” A-2 realized.

           “I still don’t like Ronnie, but I guess I could-,” the bland woman was cut off by an explosion down the hall. Following that, Ronnie and Triz came bolting down, dashing past the three in the waiting room before crashing out the front door. “Never mind.”

           “Should we follow them?” A-2 asked.

           “No, let’s just go back to the office,” Mary shook her head.

To Be Continued…

~~~~ 

When completing a big offsite ordeal for your workplace, your first goal afterwards should be to get back to the office...unless its lunch or quitting time.

Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy 

~~~~ 

Support me on Patreon: [link]

Strange Sci-fi Tales - The Beginner's Guide to Everything Part 9

Part 1: [link] Part 2: [link] Part 3: [link] Part 4: [link] 

Part 5: [link] Part 6: [link] Part 7: [link] Part 8: [link]

~~~~

           Previously on the Beginner’s Guide to Everything: Mary Brown, the most normal girl in the multiverse, was still trapped on Hazard, the danger dimension. She and the rest of the surviving members of The Beginner’s Guide factoid team followed the scent of treasure. However, they only found a massive cave guarded by an unspeakable horror and its fluffy companions.

            Ex-space pirate Triz Claxy and interdimensional fugitive Ronnie Ray ran ahead to claim the treasure. They quickly found themselves trapped by the horror with their backs to the wall. Their only hope being a teleport to Mary’s location. Meanwhile, Mary and the cyborg A-2 entered the other side of the cave, only to stumble across a nest of the fluffball creatures that screamed to alert the horror to intruders. The two were left wondering what to do until Ronnie and Triz teleported in and woke up the whole nest.

~--~

           The nest of fluffballs squealed at the top of their lungs; the sound was deafening and only made worse by the cave’s echoes. Mary, Triz, and Ronnie were left dazed by the noise, while A-2 simply adjusted her cybernetic ears to mute the sounds. The cave rumbled, indicating the monstrous horror was once again well aware of their location and was on a beeline for their position.

           “Forget the furballs, just run!” Ronnie exclaimed and ran through.

           “What?” Mary wandered after.

           “She said, run!” A-2 skipped after.

           “I’m the captain here, follow me,” Triz argued as she chased after. “Wait, I sssmell,” the lizard-woman sniffed, “treasssure, this way!” The ex-space pirate broke off to the right. The other three followed Mary in confusion, A-2 with a shrug, and Ronnie arguing they should be going the other way.

           Racing through the den of fluffballs felt like storming through an endless pile of stuffed animals. If the stuffed animals could bite and scratch you. Triz plowed through them creatures with ease, their tiny fangs unable to penetrate her scales. Mary and Ronnie were left scratching at their legs, the tiny pricks of the animal’s teeth feeling like mosquito bites. A-2 was practically covered head to toe in the fluffballs yet showed little care nor any signs of slowing.

           After breaking out of the den into another long cave, the four managed to shake off the remaining fluffballs and retreat to a slightly quieter space. The screams were still assaulting their ears, but now it had quieted just enough they could hear each other talk.

           “Treasssure, jussst up ahead,” Triz announced, pointing to light at the end of the tunnel. Entering into the next open area, the four women’s eyes were lit with a golden glow. A massive, golden horde filled the room. Coins, jewels, and gem-encrusted trinkets lined every wall. Triz and Ronnie leaped for joy while Mary rubbed her still ringing ears.

           “We’re rich,” Ronnie dived into a pile of coins.

           “I knew thisss job would pay off,” Triz grabbed a fistful of gems.

           “Shiny, but that’s about it,” A-2 shrugged, “what do you think?” The cyborg looked at Mary, whose face was frozen and pale.

           “Guys,” Mary tried to get their attention.

           “I can pay off all my loan sharks. Hell, I could be a loan shark,” Ronnie bathed in the gold.

           “A new ssship? No, a fleet of new ssships, an army,” Triz fantasized.

           “Guys, seriously,” Mary shouted, “we’re not safe, look.”

           “Wow, that thing really is big,” A-2 commented as she observed the black mass that Triz and Ronnie had mistaken for a wall. A single giant eyeball looked down at the four, and it didn’t look happy. “I wonder where all this treasure came from anyway?”

           “Um,” Mary looked to one side. The black mass that made up some central part of the monster’s anatomy had a line of pours that trickled out gold and jewels. Mary didn’t know if the beast was collecting the treasures or if the “treasures” were actually a natural byproduct of something else.

           “Wow, what’s this place?” Jerry suddenly floated into the room. The sentient gas cloud’s presence caught all four women off guard, but Ronnie quickly went back to her gold while Triz went to greet him.

           “Jerry, how did you find usss?” Triz inquired.

           “I didn’t,” Jerry explained, “after you guys and the monster left, I got bored out there. I figured out the thing intercepting our recovery beacon was in here, so I followed that signal.”

           “It isss?” Triz formed a wicked smile, “lovely, now we can pay whoever that isss a visssit and be on our way out of thisss messs.”

           “Wait, we’re going to make it out of this?” Mary responded, and was swiftly ignored as usual. The bland woman eyed the treasure, but upon remembering where it came from, she decided that escaping this with her life was reward enough.

~--~

           The group of five, weighed down by armfuls of treasure, proceeded deeper into the cave, following along the black mass. At the end of the monster’s hide, between it and a jagged wall, was a black curtain, haphazardly set in between them. Triz shrugged and yanked the curtain open, finally remembering to draw her laser pistol.

           Beyond the curtain was a little hovel; technology, junk, and nick-nacks were strewn about a small, carved-out cave. Sitting at a patchwork computer, attached to an even worse looking antenna, was an old man in a ratty robe. He looked at his five guests and hissed.

           “Go away, stop bothering me,” he snapped at them.

           “So, you’re the asss jamming our sssignal,” Triz aimed her laser pistol.

           “Then you’re the idiots contaminating my interdimensional signals,” the old man jumped to his feet. “You made me miss the last part of the fuseball game!”

           “Hey, you’re the one who kept intercepting the recovery beacon,” Triz pointed out.

           “Well, obviously,” the old man rolled his eyes, “my transmitter picks up and traps interdimensional signals. How else am I supposed to see fuseball games out here?”

           “Alright, old man,” Ronnie started. “Why don’t you…?”

           “It’s Oldmend, not Oldman,” the hermit corrected, “why do people keep getting that wrong?”

           “Alright, Oldmend,” Ronnie shrugged, “Why don’t you turn off your stupid device so we can call for help.”

           “No way, no how,” Oldmend refused.

           “We have a gun,” Ronnie reminded him.

           “Well, I’m the only one who knows how to turn it off, and if you kill me, it ain’t going off ever again,” Oldmend grew more hysterical. “What’s the point in setting up at the back of a cave with a giant monster guarding the entrance if people still make it to you? I’m a hermit for Voi’s sake.”

           “Oh, lovely, a void worshipper,” Ronnie rolled her eyes. “So old…Oldmend, why don’t you call off your monsters…”

           “It’s not my monster. I just live with it,” Oldmend clarified. “I snuck in under its nose, and now it keeps away guests.”

           “So, you’re squatting?” A-2 commented.

           “Shut up!” The hermit stamped his feet.

           “Wait, you’re not native to this place?” Triz asked.

           “Of course not!” Oldmend yelled.

           “Then you came here with sssomething?” Triz inquired.

           “No shit, that module back there?” Oldmend pointed to a junky-looking device shoved at the back of the cave. It appeared like a hi-tech phonebooth that had been through hell and back.

           “Well, there’s our ticket out of here,” Ronnie beamed.

           “No, it’s a one-man, one-way device. It don’t come back,” Oldmend explained.

           “That’s not an issue,” Ronnie grinned as she looked back at Mary, who had stayed quiet in the back, trying to avoid the old man’s gaze. “M…Mandy, my old friend, you mind doing me a favor?”

           “Maybe if you actually remembered my name,” Mary said dryly.

           “Thanks,” Ronnie ignored her and shoved her into the device.

           “I don’t know how to operate this thing or where it will take me,” Mary pointed out.

           “Don’t worry,” Ronnie looked up at Jerry and noticed he had a copy of The Beginner’s Guide to Everything floating inside him. The fugitive yanked the book out of the sentient gas cloud and tossed it into Mary’s hands. “Just read that, and it should tell you how to operate this thing.”

           “It smells funny,” Mary complained as she leafed through the seemingly infinite pages. After a good ten minutes, she finally found a page on operating all manner of interdimensional devices. She found a basic guide on using a machine that looked similar to the one she was in.

           “Hey, I didn’t say you could-,” Oldmend tried to argue.

           “Ssshut up,” Triz pointed the gun at him, which shut the hermit up.

           “I think this does it?” Mary pulled a lever. The machine whirred to life and popped out of existence.

           “Now we wait a few moments,” Ronnie whipped out the device she used to teleport to Mary’s location twice before. The device was inactive, indicating Mary was in mid-transit, but soon it blinked back to life with a lock on the bland woman’s position. “Huddle around people, we’re getting out of this place.” The remaining four gathered around Ronnie, who flicked the switch and sent them away. Oldmend was left alone and grumbling but was glad the guests were finally gone.

           “Good riddance,” he spat. “Idiot just flicked a single lever. I bet she ends up somewhere done. Like a default location or something…Oh, I know where that is, serves them right.”

~--~

           The four emerged into the new dimension. At first, their senses were dulled by the transit, but they slowly came to. They were in the middle of a vast cityscape; countless packed together buildings surrounded them on all sides, even above. Ronnie quickly gathered where they were, and her heart sank.

           “Get on the ground!” A squad of soldiers surrounded them. They weren’t GOTM officers, but they were clearly ready for the group’s arrival.

           “How did they…?” Ronnie wondered until she saw Mary being held at gunpoint behind the soldiers. “…Oh.”

           “Where are we?” A-2 asked as the group was forced to the ground.

           “Welcome to Mobius, the true heart of the multiverse,” Ronnie said with a touch of sarcasm as a soldier knocked her out.

To Be Continued…

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When working off-site and in strange new environments, getting into conflicts with locals as a result of your work is an unfortunate possibility. Remember to be cordial, civil and always strive to meet each other halfway. After all, you're representing your company and you want to leave a good impression.

Until next time, Read, Comment, Enjoy and May the 4th be with you.

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