Part 1: [link] Part 2: [link] Part 3: [link] Part 4: [link]
Part 5: [link] Part 6: [link] Part 7: [link] Part 8: [link]~~~~
Previously on the Beginner’s Guide to Everything: Mary Brown, the most normal girl in the multiverse, was still trapped on Hazard, the danger dimension. She and the rest of the surviving members of The Beginner’s Guide factoid team followed the scent of treasure. However, they only found a massive cave guarded by an unspeakable horror and its fluffy companions.
Ex-space pirate Triz Claxy and interdimensional fugitive Ronnie Ray ran ahead to claim the treasure. They quickly found themselves trapped by the horror with their backs to the wall. Their only hope being a teleport to Mary’s location. Meanwhile, Mary and the cyborg A-2 entered the other side of the cave, only to stumble across a nest of the fluffball creatures that screamed to alert the horror to intruders. The two were left wondering what to do until Ronnie and Triz teleported in and woke up the whole nest.
~--~
The nest of fluffballs squealed at the top of their lungs; the sound was deafening and only made worse by the cave’s echoes. Mary, Triz, and Ronnie were left dazed by the noise, while A-2 simply adjusted her cybernetic ears to mute the sounds. The cave rumbled, indicating the monstrous horror was once again well aware of their location and was on a beeline for their position.
“Forget the furballs, just run!” Ronnie exclaimed and ran through.
“What?” Mary wandered after.
“She said, run!” A-2 skipped after.
“I’m the captain here, follow me,” Triz argued as she chased after. “Wait, I sssmell,” the lizard-woman sniffed, “treasssure, this way!” The ex-space pirate broke off to the right. The other three followed Mary in confusion, A-2 with a shrug, and Ronnie arguing they should be going the other way.
Racing through the den of fluffballs felt like storming through an endless pile of stuffed animals. If the stuffed animals could bite and scratch you. Triz plowed through them creatures with ease, their tiny fangs unable to penetrate her scales. Mary and Ronnie were left scratching at their legs, the tiny pricks of the animal’s teeth feeling like mosquito bites. A-2 was practically covered head to toe in the fluffballs yet showed little care nor any signs of slowing.
After breaking out of the den into another long cave, the four managed to shake off the remaining fluffballs and retreat to a slightly quieter space. The screams were still assaulting their ears, but now it had quieted just enough they could hear each other talk.
“Treasssure, jussst up ahead,” Triz announced, pointing to light at the end of the tunnel. Entering into the next open area, the four women’s eyes were lit with a golden glow. A massive, golden horde filled the room. Coins, jewels, and gem-encrusted trinkets lined every wall. Triz and Ronnie leaped for joy while Mary rubbed her still ringing ears.
“We’re rich,” Ronnie dived into a pile of coins.
“I knew thisss job would pay off,” Triz grabbed a fistful of gems.
“Shiny, but that’s about it,” A-2 shrugged, “what do you think?” The cyborg looked at Mary, whose face was frozen and pale.
“Guys,” Mary tried to get their attention.
“I can pay off all my loan sharks. Hell, I could be a loan shark,” Ronnie bathed in the gold.
“A new ssship? No, a fleet of new ssships, an army,” Triz fantasized.
“Guys, seriously,” Mary shouted, “we’re not safe, look.”
“Wow, that thing really is big,” A-2 commented as she observed the black mass that Triz and Ronnie had mistaken for a wall. A single giant eyeball looked down at the four, and it didn’t look happy. “I wonder where all this treasure came from anyway?”
“Um,” Mary looked to one side. The black mass that made up some central part of the monster’s anatomy had a line of pours that trickled out gold and jewels. Mary didn’t know if the beast was collecting the treasures or if the “treasures” were actually a natural byproduct of something else.
“Wow, what’s this place?” Jerry suddenly floated into the room. The sentient gas cloud’s presence caught all four women off guard, but Ronnie quickly went back to her gold while Triz went to greet him.
“Jerry, how did you find usss?” Triz inquired.
“I didn’t,” Jerry explained, “after you guys and the monster left, I got bored out there. I figured out the thing intercepting our recovery beacon was in here, so I followed that signal.”
“It isss?” Triz formed a wicked smile, “lovely, now we can pay whoever that isss a visssit and be on our way out of thisss messs.”
“Wait, we’re going to make it out of this?” Mary responded, and was swiftly ignored as usual. The bland woman eyed the treasure, but upon remembering where it came from, she decided that escaping this with her life was reward enough.
~--~
The group of five, weighed down by armfuls of treasure, proceeded deeper into the cave, following along the black mass. At the end of the monster’s hide, between it and a jagged wall, was a black curtain, haphazardly set in between them. Triz shrugged and yanked the curtain open, finally remembering to draw her laser pistol.
Beyond the curtain was a little hovel; technology, junk, and nick-nacks were strewn about a small, carved-out cave. Sitting at a patchwork computer, attached to an even worse looking antenna, was an old man in a ratty robe. He looked at his five guests and hissed.
“Go away, stop bothering me,” he snapped at them.
“So, you’re the asss jamming our sssignal,” Triz aimed her laser pistol.
“Then you’re the idiots contaminating my interdimensional signals,” the old man jumped to his feet. “You made me miss the last part of the fuseball game!”
“Hey, you’re the one who kept intercepting the recovery beacon,” Triz pointed out.
“Well, obviously,” the old man rolled his eyes, “my transmitter picks up and traps interdimensional signals. How else am I supposed to see fuseball games out here?”
“Alright, old man,” Ronnie started. “Why don’t you…?”
“It’s Oldmend, not Oldman,” the hermit corrected, “why do people keep getting that wrong?”
“Alright, Oldmend,” Ronnie shrugged, “Why don’t you turn off your stupid device so we can call for help.”
“No way, no how,” Oldmend refused.
“We have a gun,” Ronnie reminded him.
“Well, I’m the only one who knows how to turn it off, and if you kill me, it ain’t going off ever again,” Oldmend grew more hysterical. “What’s the point in setting up at the back of a cave with a giant monster guarding the entrance if people still make it to you? I’m a hermit for Voi’s sake.”
“Oh, lovely, a void worshipper,” Ronnie rolled her eyes. “So old…Oldmend, why don’t you call off your monsters…”
“It’s not my monster. I just live with it,” Oldmend clarified. “I snuck in under its nose, and now it keeps away guests.”
“So, you’re squatting?” A-2 commented.
“Shut up!” The hermit stamped his feet.
“Wait, you’re not native to this place?” Triz asked.
“Of course not!” Oldmend yelled.
“Then you came here with sssomething?” Triz inquired.
“No shit, that module back there?” Oldmend pointed to a junky-looking device shoved at the back of the cave. It appeared like a hi-tech phonebooth that had been through hell and back.
“Well, there’s our ticket out of here,” Ronnie beamed.
“No, it’s a one-man, one-way device. It don’t come back,” Oldmend explained.
“That’s not an issue,” Ronnie grinned as she looked back at Mary, who had stayed quiet in the back, trying to avoid the old man’s gaze. “M…Mandy, my old friend, you mind doing me a favor?”
“Maybe if you actually remembered my name,” Mary said dryly.
“Thanks,” Ronnie ignored her and shoved her into the device.
“I don’t know how to operate this thing or where it will take me,” Mary pointed out.
“Don’t worry,” Ronnie looked up at Jerry and noticed he had a copy of The Beginner’s Guide to Everything floating inside him. The fugitive yanked the book out of the sentient gas cloud and tossed it into Mary’s hands. “Just read that, and it should tell you how to operate this thing.”
“It smells funny,” Mary complained as she leafed through the seemingly infinite pages. After a good ten minutes, she finally found a page on operating all manner of interdimensional devices. She found a basic guide on using a machine that looked similar to the one she was in.
“Hey, I didn’t say you could-,” Oldmend tried to argue.
“Ssshut up,” Triz pointed the gun at him, which shut the hermit up.
“I think this does it?” Mary pulled a lever. The machine whirred to life and popped out of existence.
“Now we wait a few moments,” Ronnie whipped out the device she used to teleport to Mary’s location twice before. The device was inactive, indicating Mary was in mid-transit, but soon it blinked back to life with a lock on the bland woman’s position. “Huddle around people, we’re getting out of this place.” The remaining four gathered around Ronnie, who flicked the switch and sent them away. Oldmend was left alone and grumbling but was glad the guests were finally gone.
“Good riddance,” he spat. “Idiot just flicked a single lever. I bet she ends up somewhere done. Like a default location or something…Oh, I know where that is, serves them right.”
~--~
The four emerged into the new dimension. At first, their senses were dulled by the transit, but they slowly came to. They were in the middle of a vast cityscape; countless packed together buildings surrounded them on all sides, even above. Ronnie quickly gathered where they were, and her heart sank.
“Get on the ground!” A squad of soldiers surrounded them. They weren’t GOTM officers, but they were clearly ready for the group’s arrival.
“How did they…?” Ronnie wondered until she saw Mary being held at gunpoint behind the soldiers. “…Oh.”
“Where are we?” A-2 asked as the group was forced to the ground.
“Welcome to Mobius, the true heart of the multiverse,” Ronnie said with a touch of sarcasm as a soldier knocked her out.
To Be Continued…
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When working off-site and in strange new environments, getting into conflicts with locals as a result of your work is an unfortunate possibility. Remember to be cordial, civil and always strive to meet each other halfway. After all, you're representing your company and you want to leave a good impression.
Until next time, Read, Comment, Enjoy and May the 4th be with you.
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