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“Empty,” Caenia grimaced as she stared into her empty flask. Before, this would have been a sign that she had drank herself silly again. Resuming her work in the palace meant that nightly alcohol benders were a no-go. Still, that didn’t mean she couldn’t fill her “water flask” with a non-alcoholic substitute. Caenia would miss the effects, but at least she could get the taste[1] until she shook off her dependence. Of course, this whole scheme relies on her being able to drink her faux-booze (fauxze? fooze?), which circles back to the maid’s current problem.
“Who the hell has been chugging from my flask?” Caenia growled. ‘Serena? No, she’s a goody-two-shoes who doesn’t drink. Orion? Heck no, he’s a goody four shoes. Jace? He’s stupid, but not suicidal. Medy? Well, she might have poured it down a drain or something to screw with me, but she’d want me to know she did it. That leaves…No, she’s too stupid to even consider…’
“Wee,” Penelo came ‘dancing’ into the room (well, more like spinning wildly).
“What’s gotten into you?” Caenia snapped at the younger girl.
“I drank the stuff, the funny stuff that makes you all bubbly,” Penelo giggled. “I always thought those drinks were broken cause I never felt nothing, but this one actually works, weeee!”
“You drank my stuff!” Caenia fumed. “And you…got drunk off it?” She wanted to be angrier, but the sight before her was so perplexing it was hard. “It’s non-alcoholic, you nitwit. It can’t make you drunk!”
“That was your stuff? You’ve been holding out on us,” Penelo laughed as she skipped around the room. “You got more? I wan…I wanna s’more…” Her speech slurred together.
‘It takes a special kind of stupid to pull this off,’ Caenia facepalmed. ‘I wonder if…’ she paused to consider. “Hey, Penelo, you want more right? I’ll give you more,” she laughed maliciously.
“More!” Penelo cheered.
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“I don’t get it. I just gave her water and said it was more booze. How did she get alcohol poisoning?” Caenia exclaimed.
“Because it’s Penelo,” Serena answered with a sigh before looking at the near-comatose Penelo on the infirmary bed. Lady Herme herself had come down to care for Penelo when she heard the girl had managed to hurt herself in the most impossible way.
“It’s a fascinating case of mind over matter,” Herme commented, “or it would be if she hadn’t nearly killed herself. But the fact remains, there is not any alcohol in her system, yet all her symptoms point to alcohol poisoning.”
“Which is impossible,” Caenia pointed out.
“Yet it is reality, and if she continues to defy all reason in hurting herself, then I must suggest drastic treatment,” Herme replied. “If she has managed to poison herself with water through the delusion that it is alcohol, then we must heal her with the opposite.”
“So what, you’re going to give her an IV drip of booze?” Caenia joked.
“Exactly,” Herme answered.
‘Oh Lord, this place hasn’t changed one bit,’ Caenia realized.
[1] The wonders of New Celene technology includes perfecting the taste of non-alcoholic substitutes.
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You won't find the meaning of life at the bottom of a bottle, but you might find plenty more questions to ask along the way.
Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy.
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