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The remote to my T.V. broke last
week, so I ordered a new one online. I got a sweet deal on a universal remote,
it's supposed to work on "everything at home." It was larger than my
hand and weighed almost five pounds, but it only needed two batteries for some
reason. It worked really well on my T.V., but it got better when I tested out
all the different buttons. I could change channels in varying increments. I
could create presets for volumes and even change the channel to stations from
other countries. Then I started to experiment with the universal side of the
remote.
I started small by turning the
lights on and off. Then I moved up to turning on the sink, opening the fridge
and activating the microwave. Every appliance in my home was at my fingertips,
but that only for starters. When the dog barked at the window and refused to
stop, I idly pointed the remote in his direction and hit the mute button. It was
meant to be a joke, but then I noticed the dog had stopped barking, even he
looked confused. He ran around in a panic for a bit, but he couldn't generate a
sound. I eventually un-muted him, because I didn't care if he was loud now, I
had more important things to attend to.
I played with more settings on the
remote, like brightness, contrast, and color. I turned my kitchen black and
white, made the dining room into a colorful eyesore and made all the hallways
bright and shiny. Then I fiddled with the pause, record, and rewind. After accidentally
turning some of the frozen chicken in my fridge into a trio of live chickens I
froze them in place with a pause button. Then I used the record function on a
few eggs breaking, every time I hit play another broken egg appeared. So I did
the sensible thing and recorded myself creating a sandwich and then I created a
dozen more with remote.
Then I found a secret compartment at
the bottom of the remote labeled, "do not use." It had functions like
delete, restore, slow-motion, screens within screens, and so on. The screens
within screens button produced some horrific results that I won't share, and
the delete function erased one of my potted plants from existence. Last was the
slow-motion function, when I clicked that...everything... went...really...slow...obviously...almost...frame...by...frame...
could...barely...move...the... remote...slipped...out...of...my...hand...to...the...floor...needed...
to...reach...it...but...it...takes...
hours...just...to...move...down...can't...make...it... so...close... no...it...slipped...out...of...my...hands...again...no...I...can't...
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Modern conveniences are not to be mishandled. If they control so much of your life you can very easily cause permanent damage if you don't know what you're doing. Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy
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