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Salutations from the Green Sea
Vacation Company. You may know us for our line of semi-famous water parks. Our
range of three-star hotels. Or maybe all those ridiculous lawsuits the media
has been slandering us over. We here at Green Sea ask you to forget about all
that nonsensical liable the news is trying to feed you. Like our supposed 67%
intern mortality rate, “numerous thefts” on the premises of all our properties,
and all those hidden fees we charge our guests. (Warning: mentioning any of
these on company property will get you removed)
We know, we know, all these
felony-level charges make us look really unappealing. But, let Green Sea
promise you we’re the best in the business (As long as you discount all other
hotel and vacation chains in the world). If you’re worried about something
terrible befalling you or your loved ones in one of our hotels or water parks,
don’t. You’re on vacation, there’s no time to be worried about stuff like that.
We’re currently offering numerous
vacation packages at an excellent discount for all our parks and hotels.
Including our new hotel on its own island in the middle of the Caribbean. It
used to be a secret nuclear missile silo during the cold war, or maybe it was a
nuclear test facility. It was a nuclear something, so all those interested in
that sort of thing should come on down. Just don’t drink the green water.
And for those seeking employment at
one of our facilities, you’re in luck. We have openings at literally every
location and corporate office, the chief benefit of a high turnover rate. Don’t
worry about those pesky background checks or drug tests, hell we don’t even
care if you give us your real identity. At Green Sea Vacation Company, we pride
ourselves on providing our employees the privacy they deserve. That’s why we
have no oversight, no security cameras, and not even a Human Resources
department. To some, this may sound ridiculous, if not outright irresponsible,
we say such people have a shallow perspective.
What are you waiting for? Come on
down to your nearest Green Sea hotel or water park and let all those cares melt
away. Green Sea, only 10%* of our guests have died on the property, your
survival is practically guaranteed.**
*Not counting guests who were removed from the property
before their death
**We are legally obligated to inform you this guarantee is
purely for publicity. It cannot be used against us in a court of law in the
likely event of injury or death.
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Companies will do anything to sell you something nowadays. (Or was that always the case?) Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy
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