Eclectic Narratives - Super Villain University Course Catalog [#215]

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           Super Villain University (SVU) is the leading school in the country for villainous hopefuls to receive the education they need. The starting point for mad scientists, super soldiers, and mutant freaks from all walks of life. Always remember our motto, “World Domination begins here!”

           

Courses:

EVIL-101 Introduction to Super Villainy

Students will examine the basic requirements for becoming a super-villain and analyze what defines a modern super-villain.  

Prerequisite: None

Credits: 3

Course Objectives:

1. Learn the basics of super-villainy.
2. Define the modern super-villain.
3. Analyze a brief history of super-villains.
4. Distinguish super-villainy from regular villainy.
5. Understand core principles behind super-villainy.

EVIL-102 Elements of Super Villainy

EVIL-103 Becoming an Archnemesis

EVIL-201 Advanced Super Villainy

EVIL-212 Advanced Monologuing

EVIL-213 Posing and Proclamations

EVIL-220 Time Management

EVIL-221 Anger Management

EVIL-314 Fools I’ll Destroy Them All!

EVIL-323 Minion Leadership

Students will analyze the proper way to lead an army of minions, henchmen, and lackeys. From ruling through fear to fostering loyalty, all aspects of leadership shall be thoroughly discussed.

Prerequisite: EVIL-201

Credits: 4

Course Objectives:

1. Understand what it means to be a leader.
2. Analyze various methods to choose one’s minions.
3. Determine the best way to lead your chosen minions.
4. Practice fostering loyalty.
5. Understand how and when to punish failure.

MDSC-101 Introduction to Mad Science

MDSC-201 Advanced Mad Science

MDSC-203 Introduction to Doomsday Devices

Students will be tasked with creating their first doomsday device and will analyze the principles behind doomsday devices and their functions in super-villainy

Prerequisite: MDSC-101

Credits: 3

Course Objectives:

1. Construct your first doomsday device.
2. Analyze doomsday device principles.
3. Understand the relationship between a mad scientist and their doomsday device.
4. Learn the purpose behind self-destruct mechanisms.

MDSC-231 Toiling in God’s Domain

Students will be able to alter the fundamental fabric of genetics, either modifying existing creatures or creating their own twisted horrors that spit in the eye of God from scratch.

Prerequisite: MDSC-201

Credits: 3

Course Objectives:

1. Analyze genetics on common creatures and how they can be changed.
2. Understand basic gene splicing and other genetic alteration methods.
3. Construct your own monster from the ground up.
4. Discuss the ethics of toiling in God’s domain.

Recommended Reading:

           Frankenstein – The original mad scientist

           Dealing With Your Own Frankenstein’s Monster – A discussion of the ethics surrounding the creation of mutant abominations and how to treat yours right.

           So I Turned My Ex-wife Into A Harpy – A cautionary tale about the misuse of gene-splicing coming back to harm you.

MDSC-243 Principles of Self-Destruct Mechanisms

MDSC-274 The Mechanics of Death Chambers

MDSC-313 Engineering Giant Robots and Other Massive Weapons 

EARC-101 Introduction to Evil Architecture

EARC-201 Designing your Evil Lair

EVMG-101 The Basics of Evil Magic

EVMG-102 Common Spells of Evil Wizards

EVMG-301 Summoning Dark Beings from Beyond the Veil

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A good education is always a wise investment (even for super-villains).

Okay, this isn't much of a short story, but I had this goofy idea and I needed write it out.

Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy 

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Support me on Patreon: [link]

Night of One Hundred Horrors - OmniGals [#214]

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           Manny is and always was your typical geek. He loved video games and tv and was often neck-deep in technology. Of course, this often leads to struggles in one’s social life, especially in Manny’s case. He didn’t even consider pursuing many friendships or relationships, nor did he desire to socialize regularly. He had his technology, his games, and his shows. What more would he need?

           There was one thing he loved above all others, though, the visual novel OmniGals. In his eyes, a most wonderous story about superpowered girls and their commander. Like most visual novels of its era, it had a major dating sim element, as the player viewed the story from the perspective of the titular OmniGals’ new male assistant. Basically, the whole premise was the assistant slowly growing closer to one of the girls of the player’s choosing and eventually ending in a relationship while following their specific story route.

           Among all the characters, Manny’s favorite was the female lead, known only as Magical Arty. She was the archetypical “hot and cold” personality character and the first of the OmniGals the player was introduced to. When Manny laid eyes on her the day he first booted up the game, it was like love at first sight. He knew she was fictional, but he still admired her and wished he could be with a girl just like her.

~--~

           It was a typical late night; Manny had finally crawled into bed after a long session of playing OmniGals. The clock read some early morning hour, but the young man dared not to read it. Instead, he slipped under the covers and fells right into a deep sleep. Despite his best efforts, his mind still raced with thoughts about OmniGals, and more specifically, thoughts about Magical Arty.

           The thoughts were so pervasive that they quickly leaked into his dreams. Lost deep in dreamland, Manny saw scenes from the game play out in his head. Every single one primarily features Magical Arty until his focus rested on her exclusively. In exchange, it almost felt like her focus was on him.

           “You’re cute, I like you,” he heard her say, and it sent his heart aflutter. Alas, being in a dream, he had little control over himself and could not reply. Instead, he felt a goofy grin spread across his face. Then Arty placed her hands on his face, and Manny swore he could feel the touch of her warm hands. Yet, just as quickly as it began, the dream faded, and it was the next morning.

           “What a dream,” Manny commented. The dream was crystal clear in his mind.

~--~

           Manny’s life continued to tick forward, and OmniGals remained a significant part of it. Even as he finished high school and moved onto college. It remained his constant companion as he drifted further into his schoolwork, primarily dedicating himself to finishing college. What meager social life he had before dried up as he threw himself deeper into his work. It was a lonely time in the young man’s life.

           Yet, throughout this low-point, he always had OmniGals, and he always had Magical Arty. Those vivid dreams continued, and every night his time with Arty went on longer and longer. From simple exchanges of words to long conversations. At first, they only met in a blank void, yet soon they traveled about anywhere his imagination wanted. They touched, they embraced, they did what any young man of his age desired to do with the target of their affection.

           Yet, these times were not to last. Not because of any great event or separation, but simply because Manny slowly moved on. As his low point in college came to an end and the young man graduated, Manny moved on to the workforce. He had less time to dedicate to his hobbies in the early years of his career, so he had to pick and choose his recreation with some care. As time went on, OmniGals slipped further and further down his priorities until the game was completely stored away.

           The vivid dreams of Magical Arty went away as well, as she became less of an obsession and more of a character Manny was a fan of. All that remained to remind him of those times was a poster of the game’s cover and a figure of Arty he bought at a convention. As OmniGals drifted further away from his mind, Manny moved onto other obsessions, other series, and other games and shows. With a solid career under his belt, Manny even went out of his way to socialize for once.

           Now that he was several years out of college, in a stable career, and in a new circle of friends, Manny was in a much better place. He even started to date this nice girl from work who shared his love of technology and games. What more could he need?

~--~

           It was a day like any other. Manny was browsing the net for some entertainment when a reminder of his past popped onto his radar. OmniGals was getting a remake, and Manny felt a surge of nostalgia. His favorite visual novel was retuning in glorious HD next year. For the first time in a long time, Manny found himself obsessing over OmniGals again before he came to a sudden realization. He hadn’t played the game in years.

           Feeling nostalgic and wanting to warm himself up for the remake, Manny tracked down his old copy of OmniGals and reinstalled it. The game booted up as normal, and its familiar title music blessed his ears. A smile spread on the young man’s face as he readied himself to relieve some favorite memories.

           After starting a new game, the intro played as usual. Manny effortlessly slipped back into the role of the OmniGals’ assistant. Every story beat, every music snippet, every line of spoken dialogue hit Manny right in the nostalgia. Since it was his first time in a while, Manny decided to pursue Magical Arty’s route, which even after all these years he knew by heart.

           “Hi, I’m Magical Arty,” the first scene of the route began with that classic voice clip. Yet, something seemed off to Manny. He remembered the line as being more bubbly and happy. Yet, he could sense the slightest bit of another emotion in the delivery of the line. The young man brushed it off as imperfect memory.

           The game continued on, and Manny chose all the right dialogue choices to make the romance bloom. Yet in-between all the familiar scenes, Manny noticed more weird oddities. Even though he pursued Arty’s route, not every scene involved or featured her. The other characters needed to shine too. Yet, Manny started to notice Arty appearing in scenes he knew she shouldn’t.

           It started off as just background cameos in scenes focusing on the other OmniGals. Those Manny passed off as easter eggs he had always missed. However, it wasn’t long before he realized something was wrong. There was one scene involving another of the OmniGirls giving the main character romance advice in private. For some reason, Arty was there. However, she wasn’t in the background this time. She was in the foreground, barely acknowledged by the two other characters who still played out the scene as though Arty wasn’t there.

           As more situations like this cropped up, Manny brought an end to his play session for the night. It was getting late, and he had to work the next day, so no all-nighters for him. He slipped back under his covers, a strange concern in his chest. Had he remembered the scene wrong? He’d have to check online.

~--~

           For the first time in a long time, Manny dreamed of Magical Arty. However, instead of conversing with her or going on some date-like escapade, the girl was simply clingy and smothering. It felt strange to the young man, as that was very out of character for someone like Arty, to the point it spoiled the dream for him. He was greatly disappointed in his own subconscious for getting such basic details wrong.

           “What a ridiculous dream,” Manny said without thinking.

           “Who are you calling a dream,” Arty suddenly snapped at him.

           “Huh?” Manny was taken off guard. He’d never have a character in his dreams react in such a way. Usually, one wouldn’t expect a person in their dreams to so directly reply.

           “Am I not good enough for you, is that it?” Arty got in his face, her voice laced with venom.

           “This is…” Manny only grew more confused. Was this a nightmare or something?

           “First, you cheat on me with that random girl, now you just blow me off?” Arty grew more belligerent and presented a photo, one Manny recognized immediately. It was a picture of him and that girl from work he had dated, one they took together only a month ago.

           “How can I cheat on you? You’re not even real,” Manny replied. He didn’t exactly expect his response to fly over well, but it was just a dream. Yet, the young man had never seen someone give him the same look as Arty now did.

           “What…?” Magical Arty’s face drained of color as her head tilted and her eyes gave off an intensely cold stare.

           “This is just a dream,” Manny shook his head.

           “Hahaha,” Arty let out a hollow laugh.

           “What’s so funny?” Manny inquired. Yet, Arty didn’t answer. She just stared at him and smiled. The tiniest tinge of warmth flowed back into her expression, but it was marred by this aura of pity and condescension. It was the same look an adult gives to a child that doesn’t know any better. This stare was the last thing Manny saw in the dream before his alarm pulled him back to the waking world.

           “What was that about?” Manny sat up in his bed in a cold sweat. The dream, just like all the others about Arty, was crystal clear in his memory. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get the image of her condescending stare out of his head.

~--~

           Manny left OmniGals untouched for a few days before brushing off the events as a vivid nightmare. He wouldn’t let one bad night at the mercy of his subconscious ruin his old favorite game. However, with the image of Magical Arty’s face still burned into his brain, he decided to play some of the other routes in the game instead. At least until he could push the whole dream out of his head.

           Yet, as he loaded a save file from earlier in the game and tried to pursue another character’s story, nothing went as intended. He tried the secondary route with another of the game’s many heroines, yet he ended up back on Arty’s route for some reason. Thinking he made a mistake, Manny loaded a save file from even further back and tried it again. Still, Arty’s route came up instead.

           Now beyond weirded out and certain something was up, Manny flipped to the internet to see if this was a common problem. He checked old text walkthrough and several video playthroughs, he browsed the wiki and even leafed through an old strategy guide. None of them had anything to say about this strange occurrence. There was no evidence Arty should be able to hijack the story. Upon checking the videos of the scenes he played the other night, Manny saw no sign of Arty being in the scene, just as he remembered.

           Against his better judgment, Manny continued his current play session. He assumed that he had uncovered some hidden easter egg or even a serious game glitch. This was all sounding too much like one of those creepy, fake stories people spread on the internet. It was too strange to be real.

           As the game continued, Arty more or less took over the story, appearing in every scene and taking on a majority of the dialogue. The normal plot of the game never got off the ground, as everything circled back onto Magical Arty. Manny noted there were times when Arty practically monologued. No other character was allowed to speak, nor was the player given any dialogue options.

           Then suddenly, the off-the-rails story jolted back into familiar territory. About a third of the way into the game, there was a famous cliché scene. In the scene, Arty and another of the OmniGals ask the player what kind of girl they prefer. Manny remembered it well because he almost always chose Arty. Yet, this time he found himself hesitating, even as the dialogue choice popped onto the screen.

           However, before Manny could even consider what to do, the option to say he preferred Arty was highlighted and selected. On-screen, Magical Arty beamed with pride, while on the other side of the screen, Manny was beyond freaked out. His mouse cursor was nowhere near the option, and since this was an older game, it didn’t support using a controller or the keyboard to select choices.

           Convinced something was wrong, Manny reloaded his most recent save and played through the scene again. Yet, each time Arty was automatically selected. No matter how fast Manny was, the choice was selected with machine-level speed. And each time he reloaded, Arty’s expression grew more and more frustrated and angry. After the tenth reload, he was taken not to the beginning of the scene but to a black screen with just Arty.

           “Am I not good enough for you, is that it?” An Arty voice clip played, one Manny did not recognize. “After all these years, have you grown bored of me? After everything I did for you?”

           Manny was taken aback. Was this some kind of fourth-wall-breaking easter egg for reloading the scene so many times? But that didn’t make any sense. He’d just researched the game earlier that day and found no such scene mentioned. Besides, he lived and breathed this game for years, he of all people would know if there was a scene like this.

           “Who was there for you at your lowest, huh?” Arty grew more belligerent. “Who comforted you when no one else would? I’m your girlfriend, for goodness’s sake.”

           ‘Am I dreaming again?’ Manny pinched himself, but the tiny prick of pain confirmed he was very awake. ‘This is getting too creepy,’ he clicked the escape key to return to the menu, but nothing happened.

           “Don’t try to get away from me,” Arty snapped. “I knew it. You are cheating on me with the skank, aren’t you?”

           “The hell?” Manny tried to CTRL-ALT-DEL, but the command did not register.

           “I said, don’t try to get away from me!” Arty’s following voice clip was accented by the sound of a fist slamming on glass. Almost as if she were bashing the inside of his computer screen.

           “Okay, no,” Manny pressed the power button on his computer, but it refused to shut off.

           “I was always there for you. We’re soulmates, Manny. You can’t run from me!” Arty’s voice was now accompanied by the sound of cracking glass. Manny glanced back to see cracks all along his monitor. He didn’t dare check to see if that was just an image or the actual screen cracking.

           “Forget this,” Manny moved to unplug the computer but took one last look at the screen to see Arty seemingly forcing herself through the monitor. The sight of which caused the young man to leap back, knocking his chair over. Hoping he was having a nightmare, Manny scrambled away towards his door only to slip and hit his head. The last thing he heard before blacking out was the shattering of glass.

~--~

           Manny awoke sometime later in his bed. At first, a great relief washed over him as he realized it was all another nightmare. Then he realized there was this something warm touching him. Someone was nuzzled up against the young man and hugging him. Manny knew all too well that he lived alone, nor did he know anyone who would sneak into his bed and embrace him like this. He also didn’t know anyone who felt so warm, except…

           Manny’s eyes shot open to see it was Magical Arty hugging him. Her embrace was light and loving. Yet, the sight of her filled Manny with panic again. He tried to struggle and break free, but the second he moved, Arty tightened her grip. Manny felt like he was trapped in a vice as he looked up at Arty’s face.

           “Hush, just go back to sleep,” Arty whispered to him with the same condescending look as before.

~--~

           Manny snapped awake again, jolting upright in his bed. This time there was no Arty, and he was all alone. He looked over his room to see his computer, and all the lights were off, his chair was upright, and nothing was out of place. Manny laid back into bed, breathing a sigh of relief before realizing it was nine in the morning and rolling out onto his feet.

           Despite his moment of relief, Manny’s heart still raced like mad, and he walked over to his computer desk. The jewel case with his original copy of OmniGals was laid out on the desk, game safely inside. He snatched up the case and walked over to his trash can. Just the sight of Arty on the cover freaked him out now, and he wanted the image gone. Manny even considered canceling his preorder of the remake and putting a stop to this whole nostalgia trip.

           However, an indescribable chill ran right up Manny’s spine. Just the thought of throwing out the game made him queasy and panicked. Some instinct of his was flaring up. Like when one awakens in the middle of the night, feeling as though they’re being watched. Whatever it was, something told Manny he shouldn’t throw the game out, and with some reservation, he placed it back on his desk.

           He didn’t have to work today, so Manny decided to boot up OmniGals again, hoping everything he saw was in his head. The game booted up normally, the nostalgic title screen music comforting him somewhat. He loaded his last save, which was right before the scene where Arty and the other girl asked the player their preference. This time, Manny was actually given the option to choose, and out of safety, he chose Arty.

           Manny played the game for another couple of hours, and throughout the experience, found nothing strange again. All the scenes played out as they should, and Arty didn’t constantly appear to hijack the story. Glad everything from before was nothing more than a bad nightmare; Manny saved his game for the day and hit quit. As the game shut down, Manny swore he could see something out of the corner of his eye in the bedroom mirror but played it off as a trick of a tired mind.

           During the following nights, Manny continued his playthrough of the game, going through the Arty route as he originally intended. Since everything continued to proceed as normal, Manny’s fears and discomfort towards Arty slowly evaporated. He gladly settled back into his comfort zone and finally enjoyed his old favorite game. Yet, every night, he still saw that same thing out of the corner of his eye in the bedroom mirror. The more times he saw it, the more he realized it looked like Arty, watching him from the shadows. But that’s ridiculous. It was all just a dream…

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Sometimes we have a hard time letting go of the past, other times the past has a hard time letting go of us.

Have you ever had one of those ideas that seemed simple than completely ballooned out of control? I never intended this story to be so long, but here we are. This whole thing started with "You know what would be creepy?" and then boom this story was the result. I'm not the first person to have this idea, but I really badly wanted to see this story come to fruition.

Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy 

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Support me on Patreon: [link]

Enigmatic Fantasies - Out of Work Bridge Troll [#213]

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           Damian was not a child anymore, so he didn’t believe in fairytale creatures like fairies or trolls. His grandfather used to entertain him with stories about the troll who guarded a little bridge outside their hometown, but that was in the past now. Yet, when he went through the woods to find that little bridge on a whim, he couldn’t deny what his eyes saw. A big, hungry-looking troll, huddled up next to a crumbling bridge over a small stream.

           “I never knew the story was real,” Damian commented.

           “I get that a lot,” the troll replied. “Bridge trolls are a dying profession.”

           “Then why are you still out here then?” Damian inquired.

           “It’s the family business,” the troll explained, “my father was a bridge troll, as was his father, and so on. It’s my calling. I like being a bridge troll.”

           “You don’t look like you’re enjoying it,” Damian observed. He watched as the troll remained seated in the flowing stream with a clearly empty stomach and dressed in rags. The troll’s expression was flat and stoic. He did not smile, nor did he frown.

           “Well, I’ve fallen on hard times,” the troll admitted. “Dying profession and all that. Bridge trolls have a reputation for attacking anyone who crosses their bridge. As it turns out, people don’t like that.”

           “So, do you attack anyone who crosses your bridge?” Damian scanned his eyes over to the decaying structure. The little cobblestone bridge looked like it was built over a century ago. Damian was certain if anything larger than a small animal crossed, it would collapse.

           “Only the occasional squirrel or rabbit,” the troll answered. “But they always come in groups of three, and they always trick me.”

           “So, you don’t get any food or money? What’s the point then?” Damian asked.

           “I’m a bridge troll, it’s my job, but it’s not something you get paid for,” the troll stated.

           “Wouldn’t you prefer to be guarding a bridge and getting paid for your work?” Damian inquired.

           “Sure, but how?” The troll answered.

           “Well, you’re a big, tough guy. I think I know exactly what to do,” Damian smiled.

~--~

           Damian asked around town and quickly came across the number of a local security company. A few months and interviews later, the company had a new guard for the huge bridge that led out of town. The troll stood with pride in his extra-large security uniform, finally getting to be a proper bridge troll and a paid one at that.

           “So, how goes the new job?” Damian asked the troll.

           “Better than I could have ever dreamed,” the troll adjusted his new security hat and teared up a little. “Boss likes my work; says they don’t get any more vandals since I started working.”

           “Good to hear,” Damian nodded, pleased that he did a little good for the troll.

           “Now, if you’ll excuse me,” the troll marched off towards a shifty-looking pair of men. The duo took one look at the troll approaching and hightailed it. The troll simply huffed with pride. Perhaps bridge trolls wouldn’t be a dying profession after all.

~~~~

Sometimes a seemingly dead-end career only needs a change of workplace or venue to revitalize it. You just need to find the right person or place to point you in the right direction.

On an unrelated note, it's the three year anniversary of my first short story (in my current style at least) on this blog. Starting June 12th 2018 I've posted a new story every Tuesday (I don't think I missed any weeks). I definitely feel like I've improved, but I also feel like I have a ways to go. I never thought I'd manage to keep something up like this for so long, but honestly it's been a nice consistent thing. There were times I didn't have much going on but my writing, and I'm glad I kept at it. Here's to another three years and hopefully more.

Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy 

~~~~

Support me on Patreon: [link]

Strange Sci-fi Tales - The Beginner's Guide to Everything Part 14

  Part: I|II|III|IV|V|VI|VII|VIII|IX|X|XI|XII|XIII

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           Previously on the Beginner’s Guide to Everything: Mary Brown, the most normal girl in the multiverse, desperately tried to leave Mobius, the city that surrounded the center of the multiverse. Mary found herself caught in the crossfire between a sewer lich, a pair of sentient gas cloud gangsters, and some of her own traveling companions. Each group fought for the treasure Mary and her four companions had brought with them from Hazard.

           In the end, it seemed the gas clouds were successful and ran off with the one-man dimension breacher to the source of the treasure. Unfortunately for them, Mary had messed with the coordinates while no one was looking, and the clouds ended up in the boundless void. With a lich bearing down on them, the five travelers finally had a chance to activate their recovery beacon and return to the Beginner’s Guide office.

~--~

           The five travelers were hurled through space-time and several other layers of reality. Mary finally felt the tiniest pinch of hope. Perhaps now she’d finally be safe and out of harm’s way. Then their interdimensional transit was halted on a dime, and the group was suspended in mid-air.

           “Not again,” Mary recognized this sensation.

           “Freeze, nobody move!” A squad of GOTM soldiers surrounded the group of five as they floated in the white void outside the Beginner’s Guide office.

           “Oh, howdy officers, fancy seeing you again so soon,” Ronnie tried to play it cool.

           “You’re not getting away this time, Ray,” one of the GOTM soldiers yanked her out of the air and handcuffed her. While a few others confiscated her treasure.

           “You’re awfully quick on the draw,” Ronnie pointed out. “How’d you even know it was me this time?”

           “We were contacted by our buds up at MPD8,” the GOTM officer explained. “They told us all about you and your lizard companion in their custody. Then suddenly, we have a couple dimension jumps originating from their contraband room? Awfully suspicious if you ask me.”

           “Aw, crap,” Ronnie was dragged away. “I demand a lawyer and an actual trial this time!”

           “Oh, don’t you worry, we’ll take our time going over all the additional crimes you’ve committed in the last cycle.”

           “This is outrageous!” The pink-haired fugitive exclaimed as she disappeared into the crowd of soldiers.

           “You too,” another GOTM soldier approached and arrested Triz. “Your record speaks for itself, but I can’t believe you’d throw away a perfectly good job to team up with that idiot.”

           “Hey, I haven’t committed any crimesss,” Triz assured. “Not today at leassst.”

           “Better hope the judge believes you,” the officer carried her off.

           “One by one, we’re being taken away? Who’s next?” A-2 wondered aloud before the remaining three were released from whatever field was holding them in the air. Mary and A-2 landed with a thud on their behinds, while Jerry remained floating in place thanks to his gaseous form.

           “You two…er…three are free to go,” another soldier stated. “There ain’t nothing on your records…except for the cloud, but we’re not supposed to bother him…as far as we’re concerned, you’re innocent victims in all this.” He shrugged and walked. The rest of the soldiers quickly filed away before disappearing into a mass teleport.

           “Hey, that’s convenient, except for Triz and Ronnie,” A-2 commented.

           “Don’t worry about Triz. They’ll be willing to hear her out,” Jerry revealed. “Can’t say she won’t lose her job, but she’ll probably skirt by the worst of it. That Ronnie girl won’t be so lucky.”

           “Now what?” Mary asked.

           “I’m going home and to bed,” Jerry floated away, “this has been a long, painful day. I’ll put in a good word for Triz tomorrow. Until then, I’m out.” The gas cloud flew off into the white void.

           “I guess we should go back to the office. This whole factoid hunt was a huge failure,” Mary sighed and began to walk towards the distant office building.

           “Nope,” A-2 jumped in front of her. “That’s Triz’s job to report, and we’re only supposed to do it in her place if she’s dead.”

           “Then what do we do?” Mary inquired.

           “Well, we’re still being paid for this doomed job, and it’ll probably be a few days before they even let Triz do anything,” A-2 explained. “I say we take a few days of us time on The Beginner’s Guide’s time. Not like they’ll check on us.”

           “That doesn’t seem very ethical,” Mary admitted. “But I don’t have the energy to care.”

           “Awesome, to my apartment then!” A-2 dragged Mary off in a seemingly random direction.

~--~

           Mary and A-2 returned to the latter’s apartment, the 2-meter by 2-meter cube provided little comfort to Mary, but it was all she would get. A-2 quickly settled down, depositing all her possessions that survived their doomed job. Mary didn’t bother to question how the cyborg had been transporting them all this time.

           “So, what do you want to do?” A-2 asked the former secretary.

           “Sleep,” Mary collapsed into the nearest comfortable-looking thing. In this case, a small couch. Now, finally safe, the bland woman felt her bottled-up pain and agony rushing over her all at once. The reality of her situation, which she had tried desperately to ignore, crashed upon her like a lead weight.

           A-2 shrugged at the scene and tossed a blanket over the woman. Mary mumbled something resembling a thank you before returning to her existential crisis. She had never felt so detached, so frayed, and so numb in her life. The adrenaline had worn off, fearing for her life had given way to boundless anxiety, and her constant confusion was replaced with a grim understanding. The former secretary cried herself to sleep that night.

~--~

           Some days or weeks later, Mary wasn’t quite sure; time didn’t exactly pass linearly in this place. The bland woman found herself regularly working at the Beginner’s Guide office. The literally infinite cubicle farm was hardly an uplifting place to occupy, and the work was boring and at times soul-crushing, but Mary counted her blessings. She hadn’t been shot, chased by monsters, or nearly killed at all recently. She couldn’t have asked for more.

           Her sanctuary may have been a small grey box with barely enough room to stretch her arms out, but it was her space. She had a decent computer, plenty of drawer space, and even a little calendar with comic strips on it. This was besides the fact that time was meaningless in this office, and Mary just changed the date whenever she felt like it. The possibility the cubicle might have belonged to a recently deceased coworker. Who may or may not have been one of those poor souls eaten by those monsters in Hazard was something she tried to ignore.

           “Hey there,” A-2 popped into the cubicle. “What’re you getting up to today?” The cyborg had dressed herself in more standard office attire and made herself home in the cubicle farm. Not that Mary had seen A-2 do any real work. In fact, the cyborg seemed to bounce from breakroom to breakroom and occasionally stopped at a coworker’s cubicle to make small talk.

           “Looking busy,” Mary answered, her voice dull but firm. “I’d like to finish the factoid report on Hazard, but I don’t think they’ll accept continuous screaming as a report. So, I’m filling it with random crap about everything we saw.”

           “I told you that’s Triz’s job. You don’t want them to dump her responsibilities on you, do you?” A-2 pointed out.

           “We’ve delayed this for long enough. Management is going to want something soon. Better to give them what little we got instead of nothing,” Mary stated. “Besides, I’m pretty sure they’ve realized Triz is in jail awaiting trial and won’t bother shaking her down for the report.”

           “Good point,” A-2 agreed absentmindedly. “Speaking of which, I haven’t heard anything about Triz and Ronnie besides the whole trial thing. Also, I haven’t seen Jerry at all the past couple of cycles.”

           “Jerry’s smart. He doesn’t want to be involved in this any more than he has to,” Mary commented. “As for Ronnie and Triz…forget it.” The former secretary stopped herself from expressing her colorful thoughts concerning the two. ‘While I don’t like Ronnie, I could at least put in a good word for Triz. For whatever that’s worth.’

           “Hmm,” A-2 didn’t press the issue any further. “Hey, that doesn’t look like a Hazard factoid.” The cyborg pointed to an open document on Mary’s computer screen.

           “Well, it’s outside the realm of our responsibilities,” Mary explained, “but I’m sure the Beginner’s Guide would like to know that the last phone booth in the multiverse was destroyed. Don’t want any complaints about false advertising.”

           “I’m sure management will put that one at the top of their big stack of important papers,” A-2 proclaimed.

           “Yeah, the one labeled recycling,” Mary sighed. Despite her complaints, the former secretary was more or less happy with her current predicament. She was ready to resign herself to this boring office life for the rest of eternity. Yet, something told her she wouldn’t be so lucky.

~--~

           The sentient green gas cloud continued to float in the endless black void, the one-man dimension breacher being their only sanctuary. Time was so meaningless to them at this point that a thousand Earth years could have passed in the blink of an eye for them. Or vice versa. The infinite emptiness does screw with the mind after a while. While the certainty that you will never feel, see, hear or touch anything ever again tends to grate at your nerves.

           So, imagine their surprise when they finally hit something. Considering they were in an infinite expanse of literally nothing, the two gas balls were convinced they had finally cracked. Yet, a single peek out the window confirmed there was, in fact, another something amid all the nothing. It was a big, black something, a different shade of black from the rest of the void. Its form was formless, it was undoubtedly there, but it didn’t seem to have a definite shape.

           Despite all evidence to the contrary, the two sentient gas clouds were ready to write it off as a shared hallucination. That was until the giant pair of golden eyes opened and stared down at them. The dimension breacher shook as it was gripped by the formless being’s hand. The gas cloud’s panicked as they wondered what the hell they stumbled across, then the being spoke.

           “Who dares awaken me from my slumber?” A disembodied voice echoed throughout the void.

           “Not us, someone sent us here against our will…yeah,” the cigar-smoking cloud muttered.

           “I see…” The being replied. Suddenly, the gas clouds felt the most horrific sensation imaginable, as though their very existence was being run through a taffy machine. “Now I understand,” the being continued, “the root of this disturbance was Mary Brown.”

To Be Continued…?

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After a long and difficult ordeal, there is nothing better than the simple comfort of a regular day at the office.

And that's all she wrote for now, what a ride. I'll hopefully come back to the Beginner's Guide soon, or at least one day in the future. I do intend to continue the story. However, this should be good for now. Admittedly, this was all an experiment in writing by the seat of my pants, and while it's been fun, it's also been a nightmare to keep everything straight in my head.

Hopefully, next time I'll have a full outline for the story, so I can give it the proper treatment it deserves. We're going back to stand alone stories for a bit, but I do have another long term story in the tank. Although, at the time of writing, it's still in the outline phase. We'll just have to see how it plays out.

Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy 

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Support me on Patreon: [link]

Strange Sci-fi Tales - The Beginner's Guide to Everything Part 13

  Part: I|II|III|IV|V|VI|VII|VIII|IX|X|XI|XII

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           Previously on the Beginner’s Guide to Everything: Mary Brown, the most normal girl in the multiverse, was still stranded on the eighth ring of the megacity Mobius, which surrounded the center of the multiverse. Her attempts to call the Beginner’s Guide office to arrange transport home were swiftly thwarted. A sewer lich, awakened by her “friends” Ronnie and Triz, began to wreak havoc in the city and destroyed the only phone booth in the multiverse.

           Meanwhile, the sentient gas cloud Jerry was strong-armed by some old, crooked associates. He was forced to reveal the source of the treasures the group had arrived on Mobius with. All eyes are now poised on the MPD8 HQ and its contraband room, where the group’s “treasure” was stored.

~--~

           Mary watched in a mixture of horror and confusion as the sewer lich destroyed everything in its rampage, on a beeline for the MPD8 HQ. The officers were numerous, but their equipment was not designed to handle giant undead constructs. In fact, their stun lasers did nothing more than annoy the lich and his army of zombie rats, which were busy swarming and consuming everything in their paths. Except for Mary, of course, only a single rat even bothered to so much as sniff her. Once it got a good whiff, it merely shrugged and moved on.

           “How could this get any worse?” Mary exclaimed to no one in particular.

           “I don’t know, meteor strike? Alien invasion?” A-2 commented while clinging to a lamppost above. Unlike Mary, the rats did try to attack her. The cyborg had moved to higher ground to keep the swarm from nibbling off all her skin.

           The horde of rats passed by like an ocean wave; it was thankfully not endless and eventually trickled to a stop. The swarm was now ahead of the two, consuming the front of the MPD8 HQ. All that was left in their wake was destruction and the skeletons of whatever poor organic creatures didn’t get out of the way in time.

           “What a way to make an entrance,” Ronnie emerged from the same hole the lich had, Triz following close behind.

           “Yesss, but now he’ll claim the treasssure before usss,” Triz pointed out. The lizard woman hissed with frustration.

           “Don’t worry, I have a plan,” Ronnie assured.

           “Of course, you’re responsible,” Mary gave Ronnie the stink eye. Still, the pink-haired fugitive failed to register her presence as usual.

           “Hey, is that Jerry?” A-2 pointed out, still clinging to the lamppost. Like she said, the Jerry and a pair of two green gas clouds floated above the carnage, also on route to the MPD8 HQ. “Where are they going? That’s not the front door.”

           “Forget my dumb plan. They’re obviously going for a back door,” Ronnie exclaimed. “I bet we’ll have a straight shot to where they took all our stuff.”

           “How do you know that for sure?” Mary asked, knowing full well Ronnie would ignore her.

           “Let’s go,” Ronnie raced off, Triz following close behind.

           “Back into the jaws of the beast,” Mary shook her head.

           “You know I just remembered,” A-2 jumped down from the lamppost, “Jerry still has the recovery beacon.”

           “Goddammit,” Mary sighed and followed after them, with A-2 in tow.

~--~

           “So, Jerry,” the green gas cloud with a cigar asked, “which pile is what you guys brought?” They had quickly arrived at the contraband room, using a few secret entrances they had discovered through bribes and coercion. Time was short as the sewer lich was currently barreling through the rest of the building. While he made an excellent distraction, the clouds had concluded it wouldn’t be long before he stumbled across them, or worse, he might be after the same thing.

           “Well, that’s the treasure over there,” Jerry gestured, “and that’s the device we used to get her. We found it not that far from the treasure.” He pointed to the one-man dimension breaching device.

           “Excellent,” the other green gas cloud chuckled, “hurry trace the coordinates of its last location.”

           “Already on it,” the cigar cloud hovered over and began to fiddle with the device.

           ‘I don’t suppose I should tell them we came from Hazard,’ Jerry thought to himself. ‘Maybe I’ll keep that part to myself until it becomes relevant.’

~--~

           Mary, Ronnie, Triz, and A-2 followed the path gas clouds took into the MPD8 HQ. Thankfully for them, the sewer lich’s attack drew all the attention of the officers. Not so thankfully for them; they knew nothing about how to operate or navigate secret entrances, so they wandered around lost for a bit before stumbling across the contraband room. A rumble and screams nearby indicated the lich was closing in. They’d have minutes to grab their belongings and leave.

           “It’s just Jerry and the other two clouds in there,” Ronnie peeked into the room, “this will be easy.” She pulled out an MPD8 officer’s stun rifles that she had taken from one of the lich’s victims.

           “After you,” Triz armed her own rifle that she acquired through similar means.

           “Alright, nobody move,” Ronnie busted into the room with Triz at her side. “The treasure is ours, leave or I’ll fry your gaseous asses.”

           “Bahahahhahah,” the two green clouds laughed. “You organics never fail to amuse.”

           “What’s so funny,” Ronnie pointed her rifle at the cigar cloud.

           “These little trinkets are nothing. We’re after the big wins,” the cigar cloud explained. “Obviously, there’s a source to these riches, and we’ll go straight there with this device. The coordinates are already punched in.” He gestured at the one-man dimension breacher.

           “Already?” Mary repeated. “I wonder…” The bland woman thought to herself before stepping aside and out of sight.

           “That’s our treasure,” Ronnie fired a stun laser, which passed right through the cloud. “Oh…shit.”

           “No, you got to ssshoot them like thisss,” Triz released a barrage of laser fire, which did nothing but scorch the wall behind the gas clouds. “Aw, fuck.”

           “Like I said, you never fail to amuse,” the clouds charged Ronnie and Triz. The two women gagged on the cloud toxic forms before falling over, coughing, and wheezing. “And lucky us, someone will be here to take the fall as well, thanks.”

           “You reap what you sow,” Mary emerged from her hiding place.

           “You guys okay?” A-2 poked at the two half-conscious women.

           “Well, Jerry, it’s been fun catching up,” the cigar cloud slipped into the dimension breacher.

           “But we’re sorry to say, our time with you is over,” the other cloud jumped in after his companion. “Later, suckers.” The two activated the device and beamed away.

           “Damn it,” Ronnie scrambled back to her feet. “They got away, and they’ll take our treasure!”

           “Not likely,” Mary commented. “I don’t think they’re going where they think they’re going.”

           “Wait, what?” Ronnie, for once, heard Mary.

           ‘Oh, so when I say something you actually want to hear,’ Mary silently seethed. “While you were shooting them, I snuck up to the device and punched in some random coordinates. Who knows where they are now?”

           “Mandy, you’re a genius,” Ronnie exclaimed.

           “It’s Mary,” the bland woman replied, knowing it would be in vain.

~--~

           The two gas clouds stared at the boundless void before them. The one-man dimension breaching device floated in an empty vacuum. They hesitated to open the door, concerned that even their gaseous forms would not save them from the vast nothing outside. Thoughts of confusion, frustration, and terror cycled through their minds on an endless loop.

           “We’ve been had,” the cigar cloud commented.

           “Seems so,” the other cloud agreed.

           “Well, damn,” they said in unison.

~--~

           Ronnie and Triz quickly retrieved their confiscated possessions before eying the big pile of treasure. Alas, the ever-approaching sewer lich, who could be no further than just around the corner, tempered their greed. If they grabbed the riches now, they might not make it back out the secret entrances in time, but if they left all their work in Hazard would be for naught.

           “Can you two just forget the stupid treasure? It’s not even gold. It’s monster poop,” Mary exclaimed. Naturally, they ignored her again. “Oh, forget them. Jerry, do you still have the recovery beacon?”

           “Oh, yeah, I almost forgot,” Jerry produced the device.

           “Wait, the recovery beacon?” Ronnie jumped. “Yes, we can take the treasure.”

           “All handsss on deck,” Triz picked up armfuls of the fake gold, and Ronnie did the same.

           “Alright, Jerry, take us out of here,” Ronnie shouted.

           “Fine, fine,” the sentient gas cloud activated the beacon, which quickly pinged the home Beginner’s Guide office.

           “Welcome to the Beginner’s Guide recovery beacon system,” the device began, “your safety as an employee is critical to us and our lawyers. What is the nature of your emergency, and we’ll-?”

           “Just take us back already!” Mary shouted.

           “You have selected the ‘Extreme Emergency Package,’ please wait while we warm up the teleport,” the beacon replied while playing elevator music.

           “How long will that take?” Mary asked.

           “Maybe a few seconds, or a minute…or more,” A-2 shrugged. “What’s the rush?” On cue, the sewer lich busted through the wall of the contraband room.

           “You two, trying to make a fool of me!” The undead pointed at Triz and Ronnie. The two screamed, Mary cried, Jerry braced himself for the worse, and A-2 remained detached as usual.

           “Thank you for waiting. The teleport will start now,” the device cut in. As the lich reached down to ring Triz and Ronnie’s necks, all five members of the group were whisked away by the recovery beacon.

To Be Continued…

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Sometimes, the best way out of a complex workplace disaster is to improvise. With just a little thought and a simple fix, even the most horrible problems can be solved quickly, and if that's not enough you can always fall back on your standard recovery procedures.

Until next time, Read, Comment and Enjoy

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